Smoking jokes
How is smoking similar to oral sex?
The closer to the butt you get the stronger the flavor! 🤢
What did Katie say when her house burnt down?
"HOLY SMOKES!"
Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar.
“May I smoke a cigar?” asks Johnny.
The grandpa replies, “Well, does your dick touch your asshole?”
Johnny replied, “No,” and left the room.
The next day Johnny sees his grandpa getting into a car.
“Can I drive the car?” asks Johnny.
“Does your dick touch your asshole?”
“No.”
The day after that, Grandpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.
“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” asked the grandpa.
“Does your dick touch your asshole, grandpa?”
“Yep.”
“Then go fuck yourself, this is my cookie.”
Cool, new word of the day: Marijuana.
“Does Marry wanna smoke a joint?”
What did rapper Pop Smoke get high off of? Cigarettes with Pop and Smoke.
What was the drug addict's favorite nursery rhyme?
I'm a little crack pot short and stout, put that crack pipe in my mouth, sell my body or sell my couch, get that lighter and smoke me out!
Do the French people smoke weed or oui'd?
One day I went to smoke weed with some Mexicans, but they ran away when I asked if they had papers.
You could say Kobe's career went up in smoke.
What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who smokes weed?
A baked potato.
My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”
Yo mama so stupid she thought seaweed was something fish smoke.
When you put the chicken in the oven, it goes down, and the oven explodes. The oven and smoke and everything is fire and on fire and flies to the grass, and all goes back.
Cremation,
The last chance for a smoking hot body.
After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.
Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"
Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."
Lord: "My dog died?!"
Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."
Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"
Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."
Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"
Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."
Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"
Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"
What kind of cigarettes does a hippie smoke?
Yours.
Why are Germans good at smoking?
They had experience with smoking.
There is a young man smoking and a woman in a wheelchair. The woman says, "Why is a young man like you smoking?" The man turns around and says, "Why the fuck are you wearing trainers?"
One day a son and his grandad were smoking.
Too bad only the sun was smoking. :)
When a midget smokes weed, do they get high or medium?