why did the vegetable cross the road. He didn't he just sat there
What's red and sits in the corner? A baby chewing on a razor blade.
What's green and sits in the corner? Same baby, one week later.
"was lost in the woods yesterday,"
"i was in some sticky situation..."
two nuns were sitting on a bench, a flasher flashed them and one of the nuns had a stroke ... but the other one was to far away : )
Don't use head and shoulders just use head otherwise you'll end up in the retarded situation Stephen Hawking went through
A man walks into a diner one day, walks up to the counter, and proceeds to order a bowl a chili.
The waitress says that the man sitting next to him just ordered the last bowl they had. That man was just sitting there, not eating the chili.
After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, "Are you going to eat that?"
The second man replies, "No, you can have it if you want."
So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.
About halfway through the bowl, he's chewing when he feels a crunch. He looks down only to see half a dead rat sitting in the chili.
He immediately throws all of it up, back into the bowl.
The second man looks at him and says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got too."
There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard, the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills." grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence." grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."
That awkward moment when your checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there’s somebody inside
so i was sitting on the couch with a woman,and i asked her,does this napkin smell like chloroform?
Two kids were sitting at restaurant one said could I please have some water I am feeling a little HORSE. The other said Animal Puns? TOUCAN play at that game.
Why do people always talk about 9/11, but seriously just let it sit there, like the rubble it is.
A Horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.
I left my dog at home once and when I came home it was a mess, lets say I was in a RUFF situation
What does it mean when a man sits on a boulder instead of on the ground?
A bolder choice.
wyatt is a guy who still doesn't have a girlfriend because he didnt sit with yanely and jasmine at lunch. funny joke huh
Did you hear about the boy who sat under a cow? He got a pat on the head
A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy "What's going on here!?" He exclaims. The wife replies "See, I told you he was stupid."
What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine
I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus and all I could think to myself was, "Don't get an erection, don't get an erection"... But she did.
