Situation jokes
Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.
Be smart, not stupid.
Expectation: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Here brother! I’ll give you my jacket, I don’t want you to be cold!"
Reality: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Well, damn bro, I can’t control the weather."
What is the difference between an orphan and cotton candy?
Answer: The cotton candy gets picked.
I’m in a wheelchair and I can do stand-up comedy, oh wait...
A homeless man sits in front of a Home Depot. A man walking out of the store hands him some money and asks, "Why are you in front of the Home Depot?" And the man says, "Isn't it obvious? Hoping somebody accidentally drops the house they just bought."
Why can't orphans play poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
Teenager: "OMG, I’m prego, my mom's gonna kill me."
Baby: "Lmao, same"
I have many jokes about unemployed people--sadly, none of them work.
I was at the bank yesterday.
A lady asked to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
What do orphans and broken up couples have in common?
They can't see each other anymore.
I saw a kid on the curb. I said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at the orphanage!
Imagine this scenario: A doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses, diseases, etc. in the world but cooler like this: "Bumbumbum you have depression, diarrhea, and cancer,... etc."
And then the last one on the list is that he is deaf, and then the doctor shows the patient the list.
I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him, "Where are your parents?"
Bad move, I got fired from my job at the Orphanage.
assssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
We all know yo homie bout to hop in a fight when:
1. He staring mighty hard at y'all.
2. When your friend know you gon get your ass beat.
3. When your friend say he not gon jump in (you know he lying).
Couldn't be me being an orphan.
Is laughing a problem?
Laughing at what?
I want to jump.
Jump—what?
Jump off the hook.
Shrek once went to the movies and when he sat down he felt this slimy and sticky feeling on the chair, so he stood up and complained about his chair being dirty... until he realized that he forgot to wipe earlier... so he stopped complaining and went back to his chair and sat back down.
What did the lady say when she sat on Pinocchio's face:
"Tell a truth, tell a lie, tell a truth, tell a lie, tell a truth!"
Why did the cop ask the orphan if he was home alone?
The orphan said because my parents have never come back yet because I have none.