What do you do during a shooting? Why, join in, of course...
Why did the man sit in his porch and bark at the postman when he came? Because his dog had a sore throat!
How does a well-educated graduate approach a delicate situation? I don't know, how does a well-graduated education approach a? With a degree!
I'm funny but sad, I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.
What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding, he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.
looks like he got stuck in a sticky situation.
an assassin threatens a planet the planet remains calm the assassin:"do you not realize the gravity of this situation?
Teacher: "You can't be here after school without a parent!"
Orphan: -no response-
Ha! It asked me to submit a joke, but then I realized I'm the joke.
Why did the vegetable cross the road? He didn't, he just sat there.
What's red and sits in the corner? A baby chewing on a razor blade.
What's green and sits in the corner? Same baby, one week later.
Do you know a way to really freak out someone that works at a car dealership?
You say, "Tell me if you can hear me," then get in the trunk and start screaming.
"was lost in the woods yesterday,"
"i was in some sticky situation..."
two nuns were sitting on a bench, a flasher flashed them and one of the nuns had a stroke ... but the other one was to far away : )
Me: Are you an orphan?
Boy: Yeah, what gave me away?
Me: ....ur parents.
Don't use head and shoulders just use head otherwise you'll end up in the retarded situation Stephen Hawking went through
A man walks into a diner one day, walks up to the counter, and proceeds to order a bowl of chili.
The waitress says that the man sitting next to him just ordered the last bowl they had. That man was just sitting there, not eating the chili.
After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, "Are you going to eat that?"
The second man replies, "No, you can have it if you want."
So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.
About halfway through the bowl, he's chewing when he feels a crunch. He looks down only to see half a dead rat sitting in the chili.
He immediately throws all of it up, back into the bowl.
The second man looks at him and says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got too."
Why can't orphans go on an away trip? Because they already are on one.
I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.
There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard: the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills," grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence," grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."
That awkward moment when your checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there’s somebody inside
