Sister jokes
If you have a twin sister, do you have the same name? Only if your mom and dad give you the same name.
My sister said that if you go to a random person's door, the sister will all Waze open it.
What is the difference between your girlfriend and your sister?
They're both "sweet home Alabama."
*Watches sad movie with family*
Everyone else: *Crying*
Sister: How aren't you crying?
Me: I have no tears left to cry...
My friend was pissed off with me. I was sniffing his sister's knickers. It was worse that they were still on her. It was worse the family were there. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward.
Q. There were two sisters. One was having twins and asked her sister to help name the children. If one was named Deniece, what was the other named?
A. Denephew.
My sister said I'm stupid and I'm a baby, and I said, "Oh, I didn't know we were talking about you."
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his foot?
Mitosis!!! (my-toe-sis)
My mom is in the FBI. My dad is in the FBI. My sister is in the FBI. My brother is in the FBI. And do you know what I am?
Divorced.
Guys, my sister's pregnant!
I'm finally a dad!
My sister's name is Coco, and one day she was funny, so I told her, "You coconut."
What's better than sex with your 12 year old sister?
Rolling her over and pretending it's your 10 year old brother.
My teacher says no phones allowed. I say my phone is allowed because I’m nobody, Dania.
How do you circumcise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the chin.
What's the difference between a Lambo and a boner?
Your sister didn't give me a Lambo.
The coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.
Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.
One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!
He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!
Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"
He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.
The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.
"Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"
"Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."
The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"
"I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."
Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."
How do you know your sister’s on her period? Your dad's cock tastes funny.
My conversion therapy done worked. Now I only sleep with my sister and not my brother.
My sister and I were hanging out when she opened her drawer and pulled out 3 condoms and said, "Pick one."
If there is a divorce in West Virginia, are they still brother and sister?