New Sign Jokes - Page 6 - Worst Jokes Ever

We can nip March Madness in the bud, but only if we detect the warning signs of brooding, anti-social February Fever.

I think the local nudist campground just went out of business.

The sign on their gate says:

"Clothed Until Further Notice."

Part 2: He walks up to a stake and nails himself there. Then he finds the knife and says to someone to find a cake to celebrate his death, but everybody came. That was the sign that nobody loved him, and that's how you know if people love you.

Me: I'ma sign up to be a clown.

My friend: Why?

Me: Because my life is a joke. 😂

What did the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?

"Beat it. We're closed."

The other day a squirrel asked me for a job. I asked him, "What jobs did you have previously?"

Calmly he answered, "I am a pilot. I can pick it up from here and pile it over there. I also can fly a sign!"

"Too bad, this is a nut cannery, and we're 100% automated. We don't need anyone at this time, sorry."

"No worries, I'm totally nuts anyway. Guess I'll fly a sign across town, don't have bus fare!"

I'm deaf. My deaf ex-wife cheated on me with a guy who I met on a deaf social trip who was also deaf. I guess I didn't see the signs at the time.

I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.

Why can’t orphan go on field trips.

They need parent sign

Why do you joke about Helen Keller?

She was a good person, and she learned sign language and learned to talk. So why DO YOU MAKE FUN OF HER!

I saw a sign the other day that said "Maximum penalty for smoking is £1,000."

But that's not right. Surely the maximum penalty for smoking is Death.

A blonde crashes an airplane.

Officer: Could you please explain to me what happened?

Woman: It got so cold in the plane, I turned the fan off.

Officer: *face palms self*

Also officer: Here's your sign.

So I went to the doctor's and the doctor said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign."

So I said, "Aquarius."

And the doctor said, "Nah mate, you've got cancer."

Why were Helen Keller's hands crippled?

From reading stop signs at fifty miles per hour.

Sign outside a hair salon: "We'll color your hair or dye trying."

Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."

A man is out west driving and on the edge of town comes across a tourist stand and sitting in front is an Indian chief right out of central casting. Dour look, full headdress, a glass jar and a sign that says "Indian chief know all! $5". So the fellow's curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the chief, puts $5 in the jar and asks "What did I have for breakfast on this day 10 years ago?" Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Hmmm eggs. You had eggs!"

"Eggs?" shouts the guy "Everybody has eggs! I've been had!" throws his hands in the air and leaves in a huff.

Ten years on, as fate would have it the fellow has occasion to be driving through the same town and sure enough he comes across the same stand, Indian chief, sign, and jar. So he stops the car and saunters across the road, goes up to the chief like a smart-ass, holds up his hand and says "How". Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Poached."