Show Jokes

What do you call an emo committing suicide while filming it?

America’s Funniest Home Videos.

(lol)

Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog. With a sudden inspirational thought, he picks the frog up, shoves a firecracker up the frog's arse, lights the cracker, and blows the frog to smithereens.

Now at school, the teacher asks the class: "Has anybody got anything for show and tell this morning?"

Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis".

"Ok Johnny, what do you have to share with the class today?"

Little Johnny then says, "Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frog's arse." The teacher interrupts and says, "It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum."

Johnny then says, "Fucking oath it wrecked 'im."

Sex is like show and tell: you show your pussy and dick, and then you tell each other how you feel.

How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?

You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.

How do emo bands prepare for their shows?

They self-harmonize.

The image shows a young man looking to the left with a puzzled expression. The text reads: "me when i show up to the procrastination competition but my opponent will do it tomorrow."

What show do gay men watch?

"2 and a Half Men!"

Lol at this one fellas!

How do lesbians have sex? It’s too complicated. I’d have to show you.

The double slit experiment shows light particles are a wave that assemble in your presence. And you didn't even have to say a word!

As an honest Penaldo fan, I have to admit he is a penalty merchant. He can only score against farmer teams like Spezia. He never shows up against great teams like Barcelona.

I've come to realize my hero Penaldo will never be better than Messi. My idol Penaldo is sadly finished.

Who used to say, "Who loves orange soda?" Kel loves orange soda. Yes, I do, do, do, doooo! Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, yes, I dooooo! Kel Mitchell from Kenan and Kel.

The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.

Father: Son, you can do butter!

A guy told a beautiful girl, "Hey, I want to make love to you. If I throw $2000 when you go to pick it up, that's when I'll go. Is that okay?"

She called her husband, and he said, "Okay, but pick it up fast so he doesn't have time to pull his pants down."

Four hours later, she shows up to her house and tells her husband, "THAT FUCKER PAID IN COINS!"

Wanna see a joke I found? *shows mirror*

It was a sunny day and I was in school. I had history lessons and we had a cool subject! The subject was about Penaldo, the man who statpadded against small teams and camped in the pen spot! Our teacher showed us a map with marked countries in which Penaldo dived like a dolphin!

I wrote puns on a piece of paper like this:

P. P. P. P. U. U. U. U. N. N. N. N. S. S. S. S.

Then I showed them to my teacher, asking him what they had in common.

“They are all very tearable,” he replied.

Well, there is one person who gets it!

A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"

Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"

I was the manager at a McDonald’s in Turin when I saw Penaldo walk in and submit a job application. I asked him to show me his skills and experience, but he just started diving and asking for pens and tap-ins. I was confused until Penaldo told me that’s all he knows how to do.