Show jokes
Wanna see a joke I found? *shows mirror*
A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"
Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"
Donald Trump and the Pope were standing on a platform in front of a crowd of people. The Pope said to Donald Trump, “I can make everyone in this audience happy with one small swipe of my hand.”
Donald Trump replies, “That’s not possible. You’ll have to show me.” Then the Pope slaps him.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
I made a website for orphans, but it doesn't have a home page.
Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away. Orphan: But why? Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.
Why do orphans like boomerangs? Cause they come back.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Girls are like rocks; the flat ones get skipped.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
If you hit an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
If you hit an orphan with a car, at least you don't have to tell their parents.
Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.
What does an orphan call a family photo? A selfie.
Why was the orphan a big success? Cause people say go big or go home, he only had one option.
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What do orphans and blind kids have in common? They can’t see their parents.
Why can't orphans hear about ancient Egypt? Because they don’t know what a mummy is.
Why are orphans bad at poker? Because they don't know what a full house is.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
A man is being sued for raping a deaf girl. The judge, showing his pinky:
"You should be ashamed, man, your conscience is even smaller than that!"
The girl, showing her arm:
"Mhhhmmhmm, mhhmhm!"
I was the manager at a McDonald’s in Turin when I saw Penaldo walk in and submit a job application. I asked him to show me his skills and experience, but he just started diving and asking for pens and tap-ins. I was confused until Penaldo told me that’s all he knows how to do.
Q: Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
A: Because all shows and movies have a cast.
What show do orphans hate?
"American Dad."
Why do shows have a family? Because they are "Pair-rents"!
What is a show an orphan will never be able to relate to?
"Full House".
A friend took me out to his shed and was showing me all his tools, when he pointed to a ladder. "That's my step ladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
What TV series do orphans hate?
"House, M.D."
What did the plane say to the twin towers?
"Lmao, you twins don't know how to play Jenga. Here, let me show you how!" (BOOM) ;)
What's an orphan's least favorite show? Family Guy ;)
It’s not like they can watch it anyway: it’s PG.
Random person: "What's one thing your ex gave you that you can't get rid of?"
Man: *Shows a picture of his child.*
When the ugliest cat looked at you, then you search up the ugliest thing in the world, you show up.
Did you know that..
Studies show 9 in 10 Americans do not have basic math skills.
Oh, thank god I'm in that 1%.
Have you watched the show "Naked and Afraid"? Well, I play it every Saturday with my uncle.
I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed to my friend who had an overdose of LSD.
I see a dreamer.
Why can’t I drive? 'Cuz my dad never showed me how, yet.