Show jokes

What show would have made Michael Jackson a superstar for television? To Catch a Predator, for obvious reasons.

What's an orphan's least favorite T.V. show?

Family Guy.

I started working at the AISH office a few months ago.

I felt like I wasn't fitting in. Then my coworker showed me where the pepper spray and emergency contraception pills were.

Now I feel like I belong.

What shows do orphans dream of?

Full House or Fuller House.

What show has something orphans will never have?

American Dad!

I asked Siri why I am still single; she showed me a pic of my mom riding on my dick!

Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga.

And 100% of men don’t care.

If a mentally challenged person shows up late,

Is it ok to call him tardy?

Your mama is so nasty.

She showed up to Red Lobster with her own crabs.

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

What do you call a midget stripper?

A pocket pussy.

The reason why Trailer Park Boys is set in Nova Scotia and not Alabama is because if it was set in Alabama, then they would have to record every instance of incest. And the show's writers would need to know how to cram all of it in one season.

The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.

Have you heard of the show Naked and Afraid?

That's what I call hide and seek with my uncle.

This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.

Why did the rapper bring a parachute to the show?

Because he wanted to drop some FLY VERSES!

I showed my girlfriend my taser. She was stunned.

Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other.

She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too fuckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"

What did the rapper say to the ATM?

"Show me the money, or I'll drop a BEAT!"

"BlessedBrian" is like Monday mornings... everyone dreads him, but somehow he KEEPS SHOWING UP.