Shovel

Shovel jokes

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What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope?

Stopping it with a shovel.

  • 3

    • A dad and his son walk out to the middle of the woods armed only with a shovel and a lantern.

    Son: "Dad, it's creepy out here!"

    Dad: "You're complaining? I'm the one that has to leave the woods alone!"

    I will always remember my uncle's last words, "What's the shovel for?"

    If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.

    During WWI and WWII, the infantry would use shovels as weapons and to dig trenches. I bet they really dig that weapon!

    What's better than swinging a baby around on a rope?

    Stopping it with a shovel.

  • 0

    • I don't understand why in horror movies they make digging a grave look so easy. It usually takes me days.

    After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.

    Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"

    Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."

    Lord: "My dog died?!"

    Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."

    Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"

    Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."

    Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"

    Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."

    Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"

    Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"

  • 4

    • My mom gave me a golden shovel and a hoe. I said, "Why do I need this?" She said, "That you every year."