What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
A dad and his son walk out to the middle of the woods armed only with a shovel and a lantern.
Son: "Dad, it's creepy out here!"
Dad: "You're complaining? I'm the one that has to leave the woods alone!"
I will always remember my uncle's last words, "What's the shovel for?"
If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.
During WWI and WWII, the infantry would use shovels as weapons and to dig trenches. I bet they really dig that weapon!
What's better than swinging a baby around on a rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
I don't understand why in horror movies they make digging a grave look so easy. It usually takes me days.
After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.
Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"
Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."
Lord: "My dog died?!"
Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."
Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"
Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."
Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"
Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."
Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"
Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"
My mom gave me a golden shovel and a hoe. I said, "Why do I need this?" She said, "That you every year."
Beans
Bean.
What’s bad about swinging a dead baby above your head?
Stopping it with the shovel!
The shovel is a ground breaking invention.
*Slaps and laughs*
The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking.
My family is like a treasure.
You need a map and shovel to find them.
Do you have a shovel in your back pocket?
Why?
'Cause I’m digging that ass.
Joke.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.
What did the guy exclaim after inventing the shovel?
It is ground breaking!
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?
Give her a shovel.
