Use

Anonymous

What motorway lane does stephen hawking use? Hard shoulder

Head

Anonymous

how did we know princess Diana had dandruff… cos the police found her head and shoulders on the dash

Doctor

Anonymous

A blonde walks into the Doctors office. She tells the Doctor, " My boyfriend has dandruff". The Doctor tells her to use Head and Shoulders. She leaves. About an hour later, the Doctors phone rings. He answers, its the Blonde. The Doctor asks how he can help her. " Well Doctor, I understand head, but how do you hove shoulders?"…

Cold

dr bright

when you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove but you realize both the doctor’s hands are on your shoulders

Difference

SEX

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders. As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, “I’ll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, ‘I don’t know how you can make love to me with your type of body.’ So I asked her, ‘How about a little head?’”

Other jokes:

  1. Why did the ketchup blush? He saw the salad dressing.

  2. What did the elephant ask the naked man? How do you breathe out of that thing?

  3. How do you make your husband scream during sex? Call him and let him hear it.

  4. Why does the mermaid wear seashells? She outgrew her b-shells!

  5. How is life like toilet paper? You’re either on a roll or taking shit from someone.

  6. What does one boob say to the other boob? If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.

  7. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A man will actually search for a golf ball.

  8. What did Cinderella do when she arrived at the ball? She gagged.

Head

Anonymous

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders. As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, “I’ll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, ‘I don’t know how you can make love to me with your type of body.’ So I asked her, ‘How about a little head?’”

Head

Austin Terry

How did they figure out what kind of shampoo Paul walker used? They found his “head and shoulders” in the the dash.

Dwarf

Dang

I was walking home when i saw a children crossing the streets on his own. I went towards him and tap his shoulder and said "hey Little kid, you are not suppose to be walking on your own."the kid turns out to be a dwarf.

Baby

Anonymous

A womens knitters group is having a meeting and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies. One woman says “I’m taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system”. Another knitter says “I’m taking Folic acid to help my baby’s brain”. Finally one woman says “I’m taking Thalidomide”. All the women turn to her and say “Thalidomide ! Don’t you know your baby could be born without arms?” The woman shrugs her shoulders and says “I don’t know how to knit arms”. (Told to me by a woman knitter)

Head

Ball tickler

What shampoo does stephen hawkings use? Head & Shoulders

Legs

Mike (the Funny one)

Two lions plan their escape from the circus. the night they get out of their cages they see a lone clown stumbling back from town, drunk, not a soul in sight. Since they are going on the run, they decide to catch one last meal before they hit the road. as one lion gets a bite of leg the second takes a piece of shoulder. Then one stops and asks his companion: Does this taste funny to you?

Legs

Anonymous

What has 4 wheels 2 legs and loves his shoulder

Stephen hawking

White

im baad

Did you know princess Dianna had dandruff?

Yea, they found her “head and shoulders “ on the backseat of her car

Head

Ur mum

What’s Stephen hawkings favourite shampoo? Heads and shoulders

Girl

Anonymous

I know a little girl who once had an accident. When i asked her what her favorite song was she responded with “🎶head shoulders wheels and frame! Wheels and frame!🎶”

Wife

Anonymous

Why was Stephen hawkings wife mad at

She cought him having an afair with his shoulder

Man

Fallout_boy_76

An alien walks in to a bar. There is a guy sitting next to him and the alien touches his shoulder. The man says do that one more time and I’ll run you over. The alien does it again and gets ran over. They get back in the bar and he touches him again. The man says do that again and I’ll chop your dick off. He touches him again. The man pulls the aliens pants down and pulls out his knife. He was astonished at what he found. There was nothing there! He looks up at the alien and looks at his finger and fainted.

Rat

Nick Ger

How do you kill a downy

Put rat poison on their shoulder

Head

Anonymous

How did they know the teacher onboard the spaceship had dandruff?

Cause her Head and Shoulders were everywhere

Puns

Anonymous

A Blond and her Brunette friend where chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirty her boyfriend is with her. To not be outdone the blond retort’s. Thats nothing once we we’re in the kitchen I can’t believe I didn’t see it coming one minute I turned and He just got it all on my face it was so thick and hard! it covered my mouth, my nose,my shoulders, and eyes it even got in my hair; and when i looked up at him all he could say was whoops the Flower went everywhere!

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