Shoulder jokes
Did you know Kurt had dandruff?
Found his head and shoulders behind the couch.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his wife changed the WiFi password, because he was having an affair with his shoulder.
An Abo walks into a pub with a seagull on his shoulder. The barman asks, "Where did you find that?" The seagull replied, "At the tip, mate, there are lots there."
What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite song?
"Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes."
ISIS recently brought out a new shampoo.
Head and Shoulders!
The first time riding my bike was a lot like my first time having sex.
It was hot. I was sweaty, but my sister had her hands on my shoulders all the time.
You know how Joe Biden is happy?
When he is rubbing a little girls' shoulders and eating ice cream.
I was at my bank today waiting in a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"
How do you piss off a disabled person?
You put the cookie on the other shoulder.
What did they find in Paul Walker's glovebox?
His head and shoulders.
I had to go to the doctor for a prostate exam. When he stuck it in, I started to squirm, so he held onto my shoulder.
I thought it was going well, until he grabbed my other shoulder as well.
Q: What did the late cannibal get when he got to the party?
A: A cold shoulder.
I had a terrifying experience last night. I was alone in the house having a bath... when all of a sudden... I felt a tap on my shoulder.
Why do orphans cry alone?
They do not have a mom's lap to sit on and a shoulder to cry on.
What do you find in Jeffrey Dahmer's shower?
Heads and shoulders.
Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff? Neither did I til I seen his Head and Shoulders on the dashboard.
I'm still wondering who took Jesus' sandals.
Even the one who ate that dove that sat at Jesus' shoulder. 🤔
Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad, I let her draw things on my body.
I gave her a shoulder to crayon.
Sad news, my obese parrot died today.
Mind you, it's a huge weight off my shoulders.
A man was shaving in the bathroom when all of a sudden Bubba, the boy he payed to mow his lawn, comes in to take a piss. The man can't help but look over his shoulder and he is surprised at how well endowed he is, and he asks: "Bubba, what's your secret?"
Bubba replies: "Well, every night before I get in bed with a woman I whack my dick on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"
The man was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night, before he went to bed with his wife. So he got to bed and whacked his dick on the bedpost three times and the wife wakes up and says "Bubba, is that you?"