Shoulder jokes
A blond and her brunette friend were chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirty her boyfriend is with her.
To not be outdone, the blond retorts:
"That's nothing! Once we were in the kitchen, I can't believe I didn't see it coming. One minute I turned, and he just got it all on my face! It was so thick and hard! It covered my mouth, my nose, my shoulders, and eyes. It even got in my hair, and when I looked up at him, all he could say was, 'Whoops! The flower went everywhere!'"
Paddy's beautiful wife has not had an orgasm for the 15 years they have been married.
The doctor suggests that she may be overheating during sex, and a cool breeze may help.
Being a bit of a cheapo, he decides not to buy a fan but asks his friend Mick to waft a towel over them during the act.
After half an hour, still no sign of success, so his mate suggests swapping places. "I'll have a try, Paddy, you waft the towel."
Paddy agrees, and after two or three minutes, Paddy's wife has a moment of sexual pleasure, screaming in ecstasy for the first time in 15 years.
Paddy taps his mate Mick on the shoulder and says, "And that, Mick, is how you waft a bloody towel!"
Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite food? His left shoulder.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite robot? Him as his shoulder/wheelchair.
Sad news, my obese parrot died today.
Mind you, it's a huge weight off my shoulders.
What does the cannibal eat who comes late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Did you hear about the cannibal that came home late?
His wife gave him the cold shoulder.
An Abo walks into a pub with a seagull on his shoulder. The barman asks, "Where did you find that?" The seagull replied, "At the tip, mate, there are lots there."
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn’t wearing her seatbelt.
Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders all over the windshield.
A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, "Where'd you get that lovely thing?"
"Africa," the parrot replied.
I was walking home when I saw children crossing the street on their own. I went towards him and tapped his shoulder and said, "Hey, little kid, you are not supposed to be walking on your own." The kid turns out to be a dwarf.
What did Stephen Hawking have for breakfast? His left shoulder.
I had a terrifying experience last night. I was alone in the house having a bath... when all of a sudden... I felt a tap on my shoulder.
I walked into the school for disabled kids and asked them if they knew how to play "Heads, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes." Turns out they only knew how to play "Heads, Shoulders, Wheels, and Frame."
Did you know Kurt had dandruff?
Found his head and shoulders behind the couch.
What does Stephen Hawking eat for his breakfast, lunch, and dinner?
His shoulder.
Q: What did the late cannibal get when he got to the party?
A: A cold shoulder.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite lunch? Eggs and shoulders.
What’s Steven Hawking's fav[orite] food?
WiFi chips or his shoulder?
What was Stephen Hawking's last meal?
His left shoulder.