Shot jokes
It’s raining, it’s pouring. The old man is snoring. He got shot in the head and didn’t wake up in the morning.
My dad's the oldest, and when he was young, he shot my grandpa's balls off, but I thought about it. How does my dad have younger brothers?
My therapist said: "Time heals all wounds."
I shot her, now we wait.
- All over it like a fat kid on a cupcake.
- Giggling like a room full of fat kids.
- Drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers and 3 shots in 3 hours goes down like a fat kid on a seesaw.
Schools in the hood are kind of the same thing. I always seem to get shot.
Two boys were playing cards on a picnic table outside the school. Both of the boys had revolvers hidden in their waistband.
Now, one of the boys was a notorious cheater, who liked to hide his cards in his waistband. Recess was just about to end, when all the kids heard a loud bang erupt from the picnic table. In tears, the card player admitted that he had shot the other card player, stating "I played a King, and he started reaching for his waistband!"
This kid lost Kahoot, so he shot up the school.
A dwarf walks into a bar.
He asks for a shot of whiskey. The bartender gives him the 🥃, and it turns into a gallon of whiskey. The bartender sees this and takes it back, and it turns back into a shot of whiskey.
Mother got shot, damn.
Father got shot, damn.
Sister got shot, damn.
Brother got shot, damn.
Auntie running away with a shotgun!
Why do school shooters have the best shots?
They train at the best schools. 🤣🤣🧇🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂
What do people have a shot at when it comes to love? Shooting them in the heart.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she got shot. Dumb bitch!
There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.
A necrophiliac woman goes over to her friend's house after hooking up.
"Was it hung?" her friend asks.
"No, he was shot."
Do you think I can shoot a basketball?
I make it dip like water.
I thought it would be fun to become a shooter. It became less fun when I realized that "shooting a woman up" also included a condom.
I bought a new camera once. Every shot I took was killer!
A person in NYC is shot every 5 minutes. Poor guy!
Billy: Dad, I was shot by a sniper!
Dad: Uh...
*hides his rifle*
If you take a shot, a paper wad, in the trashcan, and call "Kobe!" but miss, it's still a Kobe.