Short jokes
What is the strongest weapon in India?
The red button (this is a fact).
Why was Han Solo so suspicious when he put his penis inside Princess Leia for the first time?
Because it was Luke warm.
What do you call lesbian twins?
Lick-A-Likes.
I found out how to gain millions of followers.
Run through Africa with a bottle of water.
Q: What kind of person has 100% ambition and never gives up if someone gets in their way?
A: A rapist.
Who are the fastest readers?
The pilots on 9/11. They went through six stories in 5 seconds.
The American Dream is real. It's just set and filmed in Toronto and not Texas.
What do ICE and Mexican drug cartels both have in common?
They both kidnap Canadian women!
When you know that everyone thinks you're a hoe.
WHEN Y'ALL ARE MY HOES!
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A saltshaker.
What does a cop say when you shoot a ginger?
I guess orange is the new black.
Oompa Loompa Doobity doo, I got a glock and it’s pointing at you.
What happens when a furry takes over Nazi Germany?
The Furred Reich.
"Why did the band teacher get arrested?"
"For fingering a minor." Ahaha, so funny!
Do you know you’re supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them?
I guess that’s why Catholics invented baptism.
I think the military shouldn’t allow trans people, because all they'd do is switch sides.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. You smell like shit. And you look like it too.
The couple next door made a porn film.
They don’t know it yet.
The mom: "Where did Timmy go after exploring that minefield across the road, honey?"
The dad: "Everywhere."
There is this cute Russian girl in my class, yet she hasn't asked me out for vodka.