Short jokes
what do you call a cow that fell?
Ground beef.
What do you call a zombie?
Nothing because zombies aren’t real, and if they were, you would be dead.
Q: What do you get when you drop all your potato chips in your couch somewhere?
A: A couch potato. HaHaHa
What's a priest's favorite toy?
A mute little boy.
Let's play pretend. I'll be Nike and you'll be McDonald's, cuz I'll be doin' it and you'll be lovin' it.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a prostitute?
The look they give you while you’re nailing them.
I think the military shouldn’t allow trans people, because all they'd do is switch sides.
Oompa Loompa Doobity doo, I got a glock and it’s pointing at you.
Why don’t we just call blue balls a cummy ache?
Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't wanna say this, but nobody cares about you.
What do you call lesbian twins?
Lick-A-Likes.
Before Jane, was Tarzan clapping gorilla cheeks?
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.
The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
Who are the fastest readers?
The pilots on 9/11. They went through six stories in 5 seconds.
What's the number 1 cause of pedophilia?
Sexy kids.
I got caught doing donuts in the parking lot, and I know what y'all are thinking.
Who names their dog Donuts?
I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat, she said nothing. So I brought her to Africa.
Stephen Hawking always wins musical chairs, as he’s always sitting down.
Stephen Hawking:
Q: Who Made Stephen Hawkins' Wheel Chair?
A:) Tesla
A programmer pushes a stroller through the park. An elderly couple comes along: "Is it a boy or a girl?" The programmer replies, "Yes."