Short jokes
The couple next door made a porn film.
They don’t know it yet.
Did you know that Americans fall out of both sides of the bed?
When is a rapist safe around children?
When his plans are oven ready.
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
'Cause they are dead.
My friends hate when I make skeleton jokes. I guess I need to put more backbone into it.
What do you call a zombie?
Nothing because zombies aren’t real, and if they were, you would be dead.
Q: What do you get when you drop all your potato chips in your couch somewhere?
A: A couch potato. HaHaHa
God, I miss Stephen Hawking.
He was brainier than Kurt Cobain's ceiling.
A policeman just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous! My dogs don’t even own bikes!
What falls and never gets hurt? Snow.
what do you call a cow that fell?
Ground beef.
When you're driving past a graveyard say: "Wow, people were just dying to get in there."
What can change color and get beat up?
You.
What did the mommy cow say to the baby cow?
It's pasture your bedtime.
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting "9"!
That’s the best I’ve done so far.
What did Papyrus say when Sans served spaghetti to Frisk?
BONE-Appetit!
I just got a job at the prison library.
It has its prose and cons.
What do ICE and Mexican drug cartels both have in common?
They both kidnap Canadian women!
How many homeless guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
“You’re telling me there’s change in a lightbulb?”
What's the number 1 cause of pedophilia?
Sexy kids.