Short jokes
What falls and never gets hurt? Snow.
How many homeless guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
“You’re telling me there’s change in a lightbulb?”
When you're driving past a graveyard say: "Wow, people were just dying to get in there."
A policeman just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous! My dogs don’t even own bikes!
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
What looks like it has jaundice and is filled with stupidity?
A Mexican.
Where do rape victims buy their clothes from?
The kids section.
Your mamma so fat she has to use the equator as her belt.
At the age of 100, you get a letter from the Queen. At 12, you get a DM from Prince Charles.
What is Michael Jackson’s favorite song? “Little Drummer Boy.”
Why don’t we just call blue balls a cummy ache?
What is an orphan's favorite store?
Home Depot.
What's the hardest part to eat of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
How are laundry and Michael Jackson related?
They both got bleached!
You don't need a parachute to go skydiving. You only need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
I hate writing dwarf jokes, but I normally keep them short.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't wanna say this, but nobody cares about you.
I lost my dog. I probably shouldn't have named him "rape."
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a thrill with pills. Jack came down, fuck a clown, and the cum made them frown.
Pick up lines.
"One fish, two fish, three fish, I’m breaking up with you, b*tch!"
"Hey there little mister, I’m dating your sister."