Short jokes
When I was a child, I was made to walk the plank... We couldn't afford a dog.
I went to a stand up show with the person who made my life a joke.
You like to draw? Because I like the MD, raw :)
If you're ever down one day, just go to the orphanage and bully an orphan because what is he going to do about it? He has no parents.
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
'Cause they are dead.
What do you call a zombie?
Nothing because zombies aren’t real, and if they were, you would be dead.
I just got a job at the prison library.
It has its prose and cons.
Q: What do you get when you drop all your potato chips in your couch somewhere?
A: A couch potato. HaHaHa
God, I miss Stephen Hawking.
He was brainier than Kurt Cobain's ceiling.
What did the policeman say to his belly button?
You're under a vest.
A Russian walked into a bar... unlucky for him, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.
When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"
what do you call a cow that fell?
Ground beef.
What falls and never gets hurt? Snow.
How many homeless guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
“You’re telling me there’s change in a lightbulb?”
When you're driving past a graveyard say: "Wow, people were just dying to get in there."
A policeman just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous! My dogs don’t even own bikes!
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
What looks like it has jaundice and is filled with stupidity?
A Mexican.
Where do rape victims buy their clothes from?
The kids section.