Short jokes
What's the difference between apples and dead babies?
I don't ejaculate on apples before I eat them.
Say "I hate happiness" without the H (all of them).
What does an orphan and a banana have in common? They both get split up.
What did the salad dressing say to the tomato?
"Don't look! I'm dressing!"
Why did the Mexican take Xanax?
For Hispanic attacks.
What do you call a premature Chinese baby birth? Wong Tai-Ming.
What is 6.9?
A beautiful thing ruined by a period.
When you were born, your mom said you were out of bounds, so you went flying out of the hospital.
How have you been recently?
Oh, just playing some Rhydon.
What’s Rhydon?
Rhydon deez nutz!
What did the water say to the water? "Water" you doing?
5+2 = 7
But 4+3 also = 7
So take your own path.
What kind of fruit can fix your sink?
A plum-ber.
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because its uncles were all aunts!
I wanted to buy some camo pants, but I couldn't find any.
What does a peeing pterodactyl sound like?
Nothing, the pee is silent.
What starts with T, ends with T, and has T in it?
A teapot.
Did you hear about the delivery boy that worked for that Italian Restaurant down the street?
Yeah, he Pasta-Way.
What do the Twin Tower survivors order from Tim Hortons? A plane bagel.
They told me Avengers: Endgame was going to be 3 hours long, but honestly? I felt like it was over in a SNAP!
What do Princess Diana and the Beatles have in common?
They both made quite an impact in Europe.