Short jokes
I went to the dump truck today, and my wife said, "Thanks for visiting."
Why is a ghost so predictable?
Because you can see right through it.
I like my girlfriend's new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesn’t beat her old primary school one. 😀
Why did the autistic ice cream run away from the party?
She had a meltdown.
My wife treats me like God!
She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.
The interviewer asked me if I had a criminal record when I was requesting Australian citizenship.
I replied, "No. Is that still required?"
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?
These posts are brutal; they're leaving nothing left standing.
Why is it so hard to make friends in Antarctica?
Because you cannot break the ice.
“If you're a dwarf and you're offended by that, grow up.”
Is it possible to stutter in sign language?
Yes, it’s called Parkinson’s.
Yo mama must be a giant, 'cause my Mini P.E.K.K.A. goes berserk on her!
What's an Alzheimer's victim's favorite musical group?
The Who?
What does a blowjob and a bonus check have in common?
Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.
How do you piss off a midget?
Give them a yo-yo and tell them to play with it.
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."
Which scary movie did the bear refuse to watch?
The Bear Witch Project.
You know how people say white men can’t jump? Well, you should check the 9/11 footage.
I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.
"Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go."