Short jokes
My friends hate when I make skeleton jokes. I guess I need to put more backbone into it.
When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"
God, I miss Stephen Hawking.
He was brainier than Kurt Cobain's ceiling.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
I went to a stand up show with the person who made my life a joke.
A Russian walked into a bar... unlucky for him, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance party? Because he had NOBODY to dance with.
What did the policeman say to his belly button?
You're under a vest.
There is this cute Russian girl in my class, yet she hasn't asked me out for vodka.
If you're ever down one day, just go to the orphanage and bully an orphan because what is he going to do about it? He has no parents.
what do you call a cow that fell?
Ground beef.
What do you call a zombie?
Nothing because zombies aren’t real, and if they were, you would be dead.
Q: What do you get when you drop all your potato chips in your couch somewhere?
A: A couch potato. HaHaHa
What's a priest's favorite toy?
A mute little boy.
Let's play pretend. I'll be Nike and you'll be McDonald's, cuz I'll be doin' it and you'll be lovin' it.
Oompa Loompa Doobity doo, I got a glock and it’s pointing at you.
Why don’t we just call blue balls a cummy ache?
Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't wanna say this, but nobody cares about you.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a prostitute?
The look they give you while you’re nailing them.
I think the military shouldn’t allow trans people, because all they'd do is switch sides.