Short jokes
I was hunting at night for deer, and then I found one and shot it. I realized the deer I shot was actually my ex...
What does an orphan get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
I got a roommate. He killed a butterfly, and I said no butter for a week. The next day, he killed a cockroach. Son of a bitch, nice try.
I asked my friend if they will show me something retarded. He said, "Go look in a mirror." I said, "Thank you."
What did the lady say to Michael Jackson on the beach?
"Excuse me sir, but you're in my sun."
Your legs are just like Oreos! I wanna split the ends and eat what's in between.
What did the Asian people name their retarded son?
Sum Ting Wong.
What does McDonald's and a paedophile have in common?
They both like sticking their meat in ten-year-olds.
What is a self-harm person's favorite game?
Fruit Ninja.
You remind me of a snowflake, beautiful and unique. One touch and you're wet.
What is an orphan's family tree?
A stump.
Q: What do you call a pigeon that is full of poop that flies in front of a car?
A: A suicide bomber.
I got a phone call from a guy labeled "assassin" saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w- *gunshot*
The worst thing about an owl is how they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.
Even if there was no gravity, I'd still fall for you.
It's only okay to beat up a dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say, "Your hair smells nice."
Why did Peter Parker take Gwen Stacy to an orthopedist?
Because her neck was killing her.
NWA: Straight Outta Compton.
Kobe Bryant: Straight Outta the Helicopter.
When the school shooter is gonna clap the football team but his AK jams: “Take it easy guys, I was just joking!”
I respect anyone who devotes their life to charity work.
But I think Paul Walker went a step too far.