Short jokes
An orphanage is like a horse rescue. You rescue them, rehabilitate them, then sell them for as much as possible.
My friend died by a truck, why can't I get run over?
Don't turn the toaster sideways, worst mistake of my life.
Liam Gallagher went into a café for a cup of tea. The assistant asked him if "he wanted a roll with it."
Yo mama so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," He was just asking her to move.
How do you keep a moron in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow!
Yo mamma is so ugly, even Ripley wouldn't believe it.
What is worse than ants in your pants? Michael Jackson.
When a kid says, "I'm a pedophile," it means that he has a crush on one of his classmates.
When an adult says it, he is accused as a rapper.
You're so fat that when you got to McDonald's, they had to call Wendy's for backup.
Is it okay to say "nice to meat you" to a vegan?
My teacher made us watch a movie about the struggles of being an overweight person in this day and age.
It was really heavy on me.
Why did Trump's brain cross the road?
Oh wait, there is no other side.
Q. Why did the emo not like his AirBnB?
A. There wasn't enough carbon monoxide in the suite.
What did the drum name its children? Anna 1, Anna 2.
"Warning, all unsaved progress will be lost." - Sun Tzu, The Art Of War.
What’s the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
Hansume cheetah e Cel Cheetos?
What brands do people in wheelchairs wear?
Michelin.
Why do women like Pac-Man so much?
How else can you get eaten three times for a quarter?