Short jokes
What's the difference between a pig and a police officer?
The pig smells better.
What's overcrowded and uncomfortable?
My mind.
When the people that see you cry, that doesn't mean they miss you. That mean they scared of your onion breath! 🐑💨
Guys, don’t put the Holocaust books in the fiction section, it was the worst mistake of my life!
What would happen if a dam broke when you are on it?
You would be dam unlucky.
Did you know the past tense of William Shakespeare is Wouldiwas Shookspeared?
Why are half the orphans missing? Because I took them, of course! :]
Q: Why can't orphans ever win at Yahtzee?
A: Because they can never seem to get a full house.
What do you call an orphan in a room full of mirrors? Surrounded by loved ones.
Okay, what do you call a dummy that writes a dumb writer?
When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to just cheer up, god damn, why didn't I think of that?
The terrorists said over the intercom, "We're coming up to our destination, so we can't go over it, we can't go under, we have to go through it."
Why was Hitler broke?
The gas prices are outrageous.
Just letting you know if people cry when they see you, that doesn't mean they miss you. That means they're scared of your onion breath.
I’m taken, taken my own life, bitch!
Why do they call it emotion when the root word is emo, but emos don't show emotion?
"I'm sorry, Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."
Things I would’ve missed if my suicide attempt didn’t fail in 2020.
My attempt in 2021.
And my attempt this year.
What's red and has 7 dents? Snow White's cherry.
Did you hear about the cannibal who converted to Catholicism?
On Fridays, he only eats fishermen!