Short jokes

I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.

The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.

What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite pasta?

Spaghett-hehe.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't wanna say this, but nobody cares about you.

I lost my dog. I probably shouldn't have named him "rape."

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a thrill with pills. Jack came down, fuck a clown, and the cum made them frown.

When you cream pie a tardy hottie, it’s called a loaded potato. 🥴🦴💨🥔

What do you call a mouse with sneakers?

Squeakers!

Don't you just hate when you have to eat cereal with water because your dad won't bring the fucking milk? Cause same.

What did the Nazi say when a doll hit his daughter?

A-doll Hitler!

What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.

Why can't orphans go big? When you go big, it's considered family size.

Would love to pound Sterling with a 14 lb hammer.

Before Jane, was Tarzan clapping gorilla cheeks?

So I was digging in the garden and I found some treasure. I was gonna tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging in the garden.

I'm so skinny, I could use floss as a noose.

There was a woman from Ealing, she had a peculiar feeling. She laid on her back, opened her crack, and pissed all over the ceiling.

Emos are dark people....

...So why are they all white?

Goths are even darker...

SO WHY ARE THEY WHITER!?

What's the similarity between pedophiles and school shooters?

They both shoot when they see kids.

What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a pimple? You never see a pimple come on a little boy’s face.

I respect woman’s choices... either she wants to cook first, then clean, or she wants to clean first, then cook.