Short jokes
In Ohio, people walk with their hands.
What body part takes the longest to decay? The eyeball, because it will always dilate.
What do you call a pile of cats? A MEOW-tain.
When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to just cheer up, god damn, why didn't I think of that?
Did you hear about the cannibal who converted to Catholicism?
On Fridays, he only eats fishermen!
How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just like hanging in the dark.
Can you go as a horse for Halloween?
Well, if you do, I can't wait to ride you!
I saw two really tall guys. I walked up and said, "I didn't know we still have the Twin Towers!"
If your daily is a Chevy, then your mom is super heavy.
Why are ant colonies very healthy? Because they have lots of antibodies.
Hey guys, I have a question.
Doesn't everyone's parents tell them don't take candy from strangers? Then what is Halloween?
Why can’t orphans play poker? Because they don’t know what a full house is.
What do you get when you cross a belt and a watch?
A waist of time.
Women be like men should pay for first dates, then get mad when you do...
All the traffic stopping the cars, how do you spell that without any R’s?
That.
Why did Texas freeze to death? Because they're retarded.
Why can’t orphans eat at a family restaurant? Because they don’t have a mom or dad.
Someone asked me, "How would you like your steak cooked?"
I said, "On a stove!"
I was going to tell you a joke about a big cat, but I would be lion.
What's the worst joke you ever heard?