Short jokes
What's Moby Dick's dad's name? Papa Boner.
I can go to Walmart and scan my wrists. It'll say "antidepressants." ✨
A kid went and got a haircut. The day after, he went to school, and a friend says, "I like your cut." He replies, "Which one?"
Why do orphans hate Ted Bundy? Cause he's the most wanted.
Why did the orphan fall out of a tree?
They thought their parents would catch them.
Where do T. Rexes shop? Dino-stores.
Q: What’s worse than fingerbanging your sister?
A: Finding your dad's wedding ring.
I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"
Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?
In case they get a hole in one!
I watch my parents sleep with a knife in my hands. Only got caught once.
What’s the definition of “perfect pitch?”
Throwing a viola into the dumpster without hitting the rim.
Why don’t violists play hide and seek?
Because no one will look for them.
Gather 6 friends to play Russian roulette, and one's mind will be blown away.
How are Fortnite cards and orphans similar? They're given away.
What you call suicide, I call a failed speedrun attempt.
Why does a straight guy act gay? Because he wants to feel wanted and wants to be BFFs with the hottest girls.
Emos do take shots of themselves... not with a camera, though.
What's the difference between a pig and a police officer?
The pig smells better.
What's overcrowded and uncomfortable?
My mind.
When the people that see you cry, that doesn't mean they miss you. That mean they scared of your onion breath! 🐑💨