Short jokes
People are like bean burritos. You can eat them EVERY DAY, but you'll never run out.
Q: Where do smart hot dogs end up?
A: The honor roll.
What did my grandpa say after he kicked the bucket?
Nothing, I unplugged his life support before he said a word.
What do a Rubik's cube and a dick have in common? The more you play with them, the harder they get.
So a woman walked into a bar. There was a man. She went up to him and said, "You're cute." He said, "Yeah, and you don't deserve equal rights."
Why do black people have nightmares? Because the last person who had a dream got shot.
What does a lesbian call the other during sex?
Mummy.
Why couldn't the rape victim run away?
Because she was dead.
Why did God give women legs?
1. To look at.
2. To wrap around your neck when you’re eating her out.
Look at your left hand, now look at your right hand, and tell yourself, "Which hand do you cheat with?"
Wanking.
What do you call a man with no arms or legs being pulled by a boat?
Skip.
You're so ugly, you have trick-or-treat on the phone!
The general proofreading Hitler's speeches was the original Grammar Nazi.
Why did the clock out the library?
It tocked too much!
How does someone with Down's Syndrome vote?
Through a special ballot.
What is a panda's favorite cooking implement?
A pan-duh.
Anybody know a girl named Candice? She just added me on snap.
Hey, cobalt can't. But tin can ;)
Irritable Bowel Syndrome saved me from depression...
It’s hard to feel empty when you’re so full of shiii fuck ur mom.
An orphan made an Instagram. He did not know what that symbol was on the bottom left hand corner.