Short jokes
Where does Captain Hook buy his hook?
At a second-hand store.
There are 4 people in a line. Three stand up and say "We are standing up for cancer," and then there's the one in the wheelchair.
Say "Uranus" but take out the "ur."
What’s one thing that a gay person is scared of?
A gay guy that’s straight!
I was invited into a celebrity's house, that's what I told the cops at least...
All trucks are monster trucks if you’re afraid of trucks.
Why did the rapper go to the dentist?
Because they're all about those DENTAL GRILLS!
I like the satisfying sounds of your butt being spanked.
Velcro is such a rip-off.
Kobe played I Spy and he said, "I spy a mountain."
How do orphans have a family reunion?
They use a Ouija board.
What do you call a ghost bee?
Boobees.
What do you call someone with notorious special needs and an extra chromosome?
The double trouble.
I was just fine being bisexual... Now I’m gender fluid... great...
Why do you pay cash for the metro train in Newcastle upon Tyne?
Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out.
I was to go to space camp, but then I realized I had no space to learn.
Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.
I’m working on a good pun, but it makes no one laugh.
Why?
I don’t have a clue.
My friend Arid asked me what I did over the weekend. I told him, "I read."
Get it? I read? No... ok.