Short jokes
How do you shut Helen Keller up?
You give her mittens.
What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? "DOE!"
What is purple, small, and rinsed off in a drainer?
A bunch of grapes! 🍇
I was hunting at night for deer, and then I found one and shot it. I realized the deer I shot was actually my ex...
What makes a depressed kid happy? ..... A bridge.
What did the lady say to Michael Jackson on the beach?
"Excuse me sir, but you're in my sun."
By the law, you are not allowed to have a sick bird. That's ill-eagle.
What does McDonald's and a paedophile have in common?
They both like sticking their meat in ten-year-olds.
What is a self-harm person's favorite game?
Fruit Ninja.
Why do kids like Michael Jackson so much?
Because he's made out of plastic, and that's what toys are made out of! 😂
What is an orphan's family tree?
A stump.
I got a roommate. He killed a butterfly, and I said no butter for a week. The next day, he killed a cockroach. Son of a bitch, nice try.
What does an orphan get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
What did the Asian people name their retarded son?
Sum Ting Wong.
what song did people in Hiroshima listen to?
"Here Comes the Sun."
The worst thing about an owl is how they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.
I got a phone call from a guy labeled "assassin" saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w- *gunshot*
Why did Peter Parker take Gwen Stacy to an orthopedist?
Because her neck was killing her.
what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?
I don't bowl.
Even if there was no gravity, I'd still fall for you.