Short jokes
My grandad broke his legs.
To cheer him up, I bought him a Walkman.
What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?
The viola burns longer.
I constantly wonder how people can live happily ever after, but then I realized that antidepressants don't make you OD.
What's yellow and can’t swim?
Your dead fish.
I made a website for orphans.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.
What did the cheese say to itself in the mirror?
"Haloomi."
Your forehead is so big you can jump without getting hurt.
What does a peeing pterodactyl sound like?
Nothing, the pee is silent.
@M3GAN fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfucufkcucufkcuckfucufkcufcfufkcufkcuckfucufkf you
Don't do suicide, that shit kills.
"Have a nice day" and "enjoy the next 24 hours" mean the same thing, but one sounds like a threat.
You know what's the difference between my basement and Chick-fil-A?
A lot of things.
Everyone makes mistakes. Just ask your parents.
Who's Joe?
Joe Mama sucks my fat nuts, bitch!
Ayo Lucas, a sussy baka!
What do orphans and olden day actors have in common?
Both get food thrown at them some of the time.
What kind of cow has 2 legs?
YOUR MOM!!
What do you give a dog with a fever?
Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!
When I cut vegetables for my famous stew, I don’t know why everyone in the nursing home is always looking at me.
Your mother is so fat that her BMI (Body Mass Index) exceeds 40, therefore classifying her as morbidly obese.