Short jokes
For his sake, I hope that heaven is wheelchair accessible...
What's yellow and can’t swim?
Your dead fish.
Q: What happens when emos make out?
A: They don't; they just hang out.
What do you call a gay Pikachu? Penischew.
Where are virgins usually born?
Virginia.
How do orphans have a family reunion?
They use a Ouija board.
Mayonnaise marry me?
What do you call two black lads in gold?
A Twix.
Why did the rapper get kicked out of the grocery store?
He kept dropping the BEETS!
You're so fat, you have your own gravitational pull.
Don't do suicide, that shit kills.
Your mum is so fat, she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.
My grandma always loved to craft clothing. She dyed last week.
What goes after the butt?
The POST-erior.
When you're watching a 9/11 documentary, that one kid in your class finds the 97th Jenga block and knocks it down.
What makes a nuke and divorce the same?
It only takes one of each to end your life.
Why is my plane delayed?
Because someone hit the Sears Tower.
Why did the question come to life? Answer: The adding, subtracting, times, dividing by, and equals signs came to life and squished pages.
Boy: Your dick is so small, oh wait, you don't have one.
Older boy: UNO reverse card!
Why don’t you get a book about how to commit suicide?
Because you won’t bring it back afterwards.