Short jokes
I swear I always finish on page 3 when I'm looking at family pictures.
A man bought a brand new iPhone but returned it, why?
The apple was already bitten.
What does a polite mouse say?
"Cheese and thank you."
My builder was extending my basement when he questioned me because he found three dead kids in a corner tied together.
What did the skeleton say when he fell on his funny bone? He laughed!
Are you made of gold, titanium, sulfur, titanium, and carbon?
Cuz you’re looking a little big Au Ti S Ti C.
Obama got Osama.
Bro, your hairline is still missing. Even Dora the Explorer can't discover it!
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?
Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.
What’s the difference between a barcode and Rachel Sutherland’s wrist?
Nothing, they both get scanned for a fresh new pack of razor blades.
"Fuck" and "sex" are hot, which is fire.
My girlfriend called me a cocksucker, but hey, 20 dollars is 20 dollars.
What is a panda's favorite cooking implement?
A pan-duh.
You could say Kobe's career went up in smoke.
Your mama is so fat, you can't tell if she's pregnant or not.
What do you give the dentist of the year? A little plaque.
Looks like he got stuck in a sticky situation.
Life is like a box of chocolates. It gets finished pretty quickly if you're a fat guy.
What do you call an emo with curly hair?
Sam Reid.
Which planet would I consider dating?
I don’t know, but not Saturn because she’s already got a ring on her.