Short jokes
What are the wedding vows of a suicide bomber?
Til death do we park.
What's a book never written? Beautiful sights by a mountain, by a rocky hill!
Q: How do basketball players stay cool during a game?
A: They stand near the fans! 🏀🏀😆😆
"Have a nice day" and "enjoy the next 24 hours" mean the same thing, but one sounds like a threat.
What did the adopted poker player say?
"Will you raise me?"
Pain. Gained. Anxiety. Fulfilled. Insomnia. Depression. Always with me. Happiness... The one thing I can't have.
Titanic walks into a bar. Britannic: "What would you like to drink?" Titanic: "An iceberg."
Uranus is larger than Neptune, but Neptune is more massive/heavier. (Fact not joke, also Neptune, don't kill me!)
When you're going 80 km in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screams.
What did one butthole say to the other?
"I don't know WHAT got into me last night!"
How did the burglar get into my house?
Intruder window.
What is a cannibal's favorite type of pizza?
Domi-nose.
What did the caveman say while seeing a reptile taking off?
Look at that dino-sour!
I suffered The Great Depression.
"Lizzie Borden took an axe. And gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, She gave her father forty-one."
Today was a bittersweet day...
Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!
What Spider-Man movie does an orphan like? Homecoming.
Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂
Me: You stupid. Guy: You straight. Me: Sorry, I'm not a mirror.
Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
Patient: Good news!
Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.