Short jokes
How to make time fly?
Answer: Throw a clock out of the window.
Cashier: "Will you want the milk in a bag today, sir?"
Customer: "I’ll just keep it in the carton if you don’t mind."
Why did the car key never fit in?
He was too door key.
Why was Timmy the only happy person in his family?
Timmy is dead.
Whoever killed Adolf Hitler is MY hero!
What does food and dark humour have in common?
Not everybody gets it.
Do you know why you should never let a blonde handle grenades?
They'll end up only throwing the pin.
Why did the zookeeper lose his job? For choking the chicken and spanking the monkey!
What’s the similarity between your uncle and your hands?
They can both do dirty things.
What did the sand say when it got into a fight with the ocean?
"Oh my God, you're such a beach!"
Who is the biggest slut in the world? Ms. Pacman, because you give her 25 cents and she swallows balls until she dies.
So, I was in the church the other day, raping this woman, when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
What is the difference between a school bully and a feminist?
The school bully does not hide behind their computer screen.
There is a kid in my class who is allergic to peanuts. He says he's gay. He can't be though... he's allergic to nuts!
How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
More than three because the basement is still dark!
What turns a girl on more than having sex with her?
When she finds out that you have a vibrator too.
The Annoying Orange called Donald Trump a copycat.
What's the difference between a girl and a toy? There is no difference because you play with both anyway.
What's the difference between anal rape and a microwave?
A microwave won't brown your meat.
What's a pedophile's favorite holiday?
Halloween. Free delivery!