Short jokes
How many guns can an octopus hold?
9
"hvhuhdsjcjdsijdskdsivhdsvhsjdvnsjdvdshvgdshgsdhfgh" That's what my friend said when he gave an EpiPen. I don't know why, though.
What is a tornado's favorite game?
Twister!
What does an orphan and a dog have in common?
Both got taken from their parents.
Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.
Michael has canceled his upcoming dates. They were Tommy, age 9, and Bobby, 11.
You're so poor that when you walked into an elevator, you thought it was a mobile home.
Having a stroke?
Stop it!
You're sponsoring eBay with your hairline.
May.
Your mama's so fat, she runs a trade deficit with food!
Did you hear about the fish and chips? The fish got battered, the chips got salted.
If you're bored, hump Danny and fuck him. What is he, goons do fuck rock?
Where is the best place to eat tacos?
In the Gulp of Mexico.
God sent a kid to the principal's office for giving a blind kid sunglasses and said, "Don't let the sun damage your eyes!"
I was riding my bike down the road!
When a car started coming, I started running.
It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)
Teachers: Whenever there’s a school shooting, hide under the desk.
Students: Hiding under desk.
Shooter: Well, no one’s in here!
Yo mamma so poor that when we went on a date, she took off her shoe laces and said "spaghetti."
Your forehead is so big, the moon landing was there.
How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?
She was too used to grabbing the tip.