Short jokes
I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
Six was scared of seven because 7 8 9, so why was 10 scared? Because he was caught between 9/11.
What does a noisy chilli do?
It gets jalapeno business.
Why don’t Asians use phones?
Cuz they wing da wrong number!!!
Happy new year! 🥳
Where do bunnies go when they're sick?
The hoppital.
We don't read backwards.
What did Michael Jackson say to the little boy?
"Shhhhhhh, this might hurt a little."
Q. If I go 1 on 1 with Harvey Weinstein, I won't get raped?
A. I'm not a 14-year-old girl.
I didn't fart. My ass likes you so much, it just blew you a kiss!
Dad joke time:
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
Every time I tell a 911 joke, it bombs.
Ever heard of iLadies? I laid deez nutz on yo' face!
The people in the Democratic Party are how I like my coffee.
Black and bitter.
What is harder than steel?
Michael Jackson on a primary school oval. 😂
What's the difference between my mum and my dad?
My mum stayed.
Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.
Why did the brother cross the road? Because the sister farted.
What hit the ground first, the feather or the depressed kid?
The feather, the rope was stopping the kid.
Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.