Short jokes
When I see your face, there's one thing I want to change.
The direction I'm looking.
How do you say "Brazier" in German?
Stop 'em from floppin' (German accent)
Me: Hey, that's a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there?
The Quiet Kid: Yeah, magazines.....
How did the burglar get into my house?
Intruder window.
Sister: I don't want to do it, but...
Me: No more butts! Butts are too yuck to be in this sentence.
What is a cannibal's favorite type of pizza?
Domi-nose.
I was gardening and found a chest full of blood... I forgot I was in the cemetery.
Officer, I drop-kicked that child in self-defense!
You gotta believe me!
Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
I decided that I'll end it all, but when I drove off, I remembered I forgot to do the dishes.
In America, you fight Ukraine.
In Soviet Russia, you fight Mykraine.
Your forehead goes back to when Burger King was Burger Prince.
Me- *crying in the shower*
Also me- *why is my toaster in here?*
If I had 10 dino nuggies and Jamal tried to take one, I would have ten dino nuggies and Jamal's head.
Me: "Oh man, things are really happening for me! I have so much to do!"
Depression: "Lie in bed."
If it’s called the “living room,” why did my grandma die there?
Steven Hawking walks into a bar, the bartender says...
WAITTTT WHATTT
Your mama is so fat that she took a picture at Christmas, and it's still downloading.
Roses are red, violets are blue, my mom and dad died, next you'll be gone too.
Why does a leaf fall faster than an emo kid? Because the emo hangs itself.