Short jokes
Steven Hawking walks into a bar, the bartender says...
WAITTTT WHATTT
Your mama is so fat that she took a picture at Christmas, and it's still downloading.
Roses are red, violets are blue, my mom and dad died, next you'll be gone too.
Why does a leaf fall faster than an emo kid? Because the emo hangs itself.
All zodiac signs have a signature hairstyle except for cancer. :)
How do you keep a blind kid busy? Give him sandpaper and tell him it's a find-a-word. 😂🤣
what kind of shoes are made of banana peels? slippers.
Uranus is larger than Neptune, but Neptune is more massive/heavier. (Fact not joke, also Neptune, don't kill me!)
When you're going 80 km in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screams.
Today was a bittersweet day...
Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!
What are the wedding vows of a suicide bomber?
Til death do we park.
Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
Patient: Good news!
Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.
What's a book never written? Beautiful sights by a mountain, by a rocky hill!
Titanic walks into a bar. Britannic: "What would you like to drink?" Titanic: "An iceberg."
I suffered The Great Depression.
Me: You stupid. Guy: You straight. Me: Sorry, I'm not a mirror.
"Lizzie Borden took an axe. And gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, She gave her father forty-one."
Studies have shown that in London, a person is stabbed 24 times a second. Poor bastard!
What Spider-Man movie does an orphan like? Homecoming.
What did the adopted poker player say?
"Will you raise me?"