Short jokes
Grandpa said, "No phone near the table," so I said, "You're not allowed near the school."
I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."
Why did people take Stephen Hawking's to the hospital when we should have took him to Curry's PC World?
Who is Bill Cosby’s favorite Disney princess?
Sleeping Beauty.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite genre of music? Rock and roll.
"Batteries, batteries, who the batteries in your remotes and everything else you got in your house is turned upside down?"
Your forehead is so big that it could carry the passengers of the Titanic.
Why did the manager hire the marsupial?
Because he was koala-fied!
Little Johnny wanted a lolly, so his dada gave him dick.
Tell your mom I don't like waiting in queues.
Russians be like: "bfddrhnnkhsaxbjk speak English!"
Why was the egg runny?
Because he'd just had sex with Jimmy Saville.
EHO?
Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack.
Like if you think oily men are hot.
Why'd my grandpa fall over?
'Cause I clapped his cheeks, fool!
Welcome to Antonio’s pizza and abortion, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce!
Why did the orphan cry when the teacher yelled at him?
Because the teacher said, "Don't make me call your parents!"
If you turn the word "racecar" backwards, it says "racecar".
But if you turn the racecar sideways, you have Paul Walker's blood on your hands.
What did the horse say when his throat was sore?
I have a hoarse throat!