Short jokes
Every time I tell a 911 joke, it bombs.
Six was scared of seven because 7 8 9, so why was 10 scared? Because he was caught between 9/11.
What does a noisy chilli do?
It gets jalapeno business.
Why don’t Asians use phones?
Cuz they wing da wrong number!!!
Ever heard of iLadies? I laid deez nutz on yo' face!
Dad joke time:
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
The people in the Democratic Party are how I like my coffee.
Black and bitter.
A shop assistant is helping a little boy find his mum.
"What's she like?" he asked the boy.
"BIG COCKS AND VODKA!" said the boy.
What did Michael Jackson say to the little boy?
"Shhhhhhh, this might hurt a little."
What is harder than steel?
Michael Jackson on a primary school oval. 😂
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it goes to get the milk yet never comes back.
Miss you dad.
Why was Timmy the only happy person in his family?
Timmy is dead.
Why did the car key never fit in?
He was too door key.
So, I was in the church the other day, raping this woman, when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
How to make time fly?
Answer: Throw a clock out of the window.
Cashier: "Will you want the milk in a bag today, sir?"
Customer: "I’ll just keep it in the carton if you don’t mind."
Who is the biggest slut in the world? Ms. Pacman, because you give her 25 cents and she swallows balls until she dies.
What did the sand say when it got into a fight with the ocean?
"Oh my God, you're such a beach!"
Whoever killed Adolf Hitler is MY hero!
What does food and dark humour have in common?
Not everybody gets it.