Short jokes
A pun enters the room and kills ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.
Q: What does Abraham Lincoln have in common with a poor quality pirated movie?
A: They were both shot in a theater.
Have you heard about the movie "Constipation"?
No, because it never came out...
Orphan: "I want to be a superhero."
Me: "You should be Batman."
Also me: *starts laughing* because Batman doesn't have parents...
What does a carpenter do after a one night stand?
The second nightstand.
What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's cunt?
Putting in 12 and sucking out 13.
I fear my last words will be "hold my beer and watch this."
What do you call a homeless bounty hunter?
Hobo Fett!
What's black and white and hard as nails? A nun on speed!
How do you know if someone is anorexic? You toss them a onion ring and see if they eat it, or use it as a hula hoop.
Where do sheep go to shop? Shears.
Q: What do you call a pigeon that is full of poop that flies in front of a car?
A: A suicide bomber.
The worst thing about an owl is how they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.
What did the Asian people name their retarded son?
Sum Ting Wong.
I asked my friend if they will show me something retarded. He said, "Go look in a mirror." I said, "Thank you."
What did the lady say to Michael Jackson on the beach?
"Excuse me sir, but you're in my sun."
What does an orphan get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
I got a roommate. He killed a butterfly, and I said no butter for a week. The next day, he killed a cockroach. Son of a bitch, nice try.
What is a self-harm person's favorite game?
Fruit Ninja.
What did the dalmatian dog say after he finished his meal?
"That hit the spot?"