Short jokes
What do you call two lesbians in a closet?
A liquor cabinet.
The "S" in Putin stands for smart.
What's a tower's favorite bagel? I don't know, but it ain't plain.
My worst fear is being trapped in a lift with a man who is confident he can fix it.
Stop with the 9/11 jokes.
They're not gonna fly.
This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be DYING to get in there.
Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
To make up her mind.
Why did the blonde stare at the Ford?
Because it said, "Focus."
They can't say no if they're unconscious.
I gave a deaf kid air pods for his birthday.
Q. If I go 1 on 1 with Harvey Weinstein, I won't get raped?
A. I'm not a 14-year-old girl.
What's the difference between my mum and my dad?
My mum stayed.
Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.
I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
Why does Michael Jackson like Chef Boyardee? He likes the little balls.
Every time I tell a 911 joke, it bombs.
Six was scared of seven because 7 8 9, so why was 10 scared? Because he was caught between 9/11.
What does a noisy chilli do?
It gets jalapeno business.
Why don’t Asians use phones?
Cuz they wing da wrong number!!!
Ever heard of iLadies? I laid deez nutz on yo' face!