Short jokes
What did the sand say when it got into a fight with the ocean?
"Oh my God, you're such a beach!"
Who is the biggest slut in the world? Ms. Pacman, because you give her 25 cents and she swallows balls until she dies.
So, I was in the church the other day, raping this woman, when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
What is the difference between a school bully and a feminist?
The school bully does not hide behind their computer screen.
There is a kid in my class who is allergic to peanuts. He says he's gay. He can't be though... he's allergic to nuts!
How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
More than three because the basement is still dark!
What turns a girl on more than having sex with her?
When she finds out that you have a vibrator too.
The Annoying Orange called Donald Trump a copycat.
What's the difference between a girl and a toy? There is no difference because you play with both anyway.
What's the difference between anal rape and a microwave?
A microwave won't brown your meat.
What's a pedophile's favorite holiday?
Halloween. Free delivery!
Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?
Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.
What do pedophiles and Sandy Hook have in common?
Shooting up schoolchildren.
RIP Stephen Hawking who was buried today... he did always love black holes.
Did you hear about the new German microwave? It has ten seats in it.
I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" Not Suzy.
What’s the difference between football and rape?
Women don’t like football.
How do you know if someone is anorexic? You toss them a onion ring and see if they eat it, or use it as a hula hoop.
What's black and white and hard as nails? A nun on speed!
Have you heard about the movie "Constipation"?
No, because it never came out...