Short jokes
Where’s the English Channel?
Johnny: “I don’t know. My television doesn’t pick it up.”
What do you call a car on the side of the road, lit up and ablaze?
Paul Walker's death.
Why was Stephen Hawking arrested? The police used computer GPS.
Little Red Riding Hood says to the wolf: "What a big dick you have!"
Wolf: "The better to f*** you with!"
You can’t land on Uranus XD
This is Riley abortion clinic. Yesterday's loss is today's sauce.
"Hey, is that a peach?"
*gets slapped on the butt*
"Noted."
Kid: I need help!
Mom: Help your balls.
My girlfriend asked for a kiss, so I gave her my dick.
Do not ever make fun of people who look like they have no necks. They are fully protected from vampires.
Yo, hairline is a distraction to my barber because he wanna fix it so bad (because of how bad it looks).
Imagine getting rickrolled. Oh, I forgot, you already got rickrolled yesterday.
The best part about being a medical student is, you will never run out of jokes.
Dik dik dik dik dik dik dik dik dik dik dik dik dik dik dik dik dik dik dik dik dik dik dik dik dik dik sub to enemy5spotted.
Being in a band without a pencil is as easy as reading snare drum music.
You so fat you got thrown out the window, but the window threw you back inside.
What does a waiter in a Chinese restaurant call a customer that won't leave a tip? A "plick."
My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.
My newly wed wife is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.
Some people could say that the sky was falling that day,
one second they saw the sun and the next they saw heaven.