Short jokes

What’s Steven Hawking's favorite crisps brand?

Walkers.

I'm a recovering cake addict.

Hi, I did not get it when I went home to walk home from home and walk, walk, walk.

How fast did Little Sally paint the barn red?

As soon as the bomb exploded on her.

Did you know there is no "p" in the alphabet? ABCDEFGHIJKLM(NOP)!

Why can't the toilet paper be cheeky?

It's between cheeks at the moment.

Yo mama so fat that when Thanos tried to snap her out of the world, he couldn't do it, so instead, he clapped her out of the world.

You can't put an orphan on house arrest if there isn't a house to arrest them to.

The waiter asked me, "How would you like your steak?"

I replied, "As soon as possible!"

I never feel offended if my friends don't wish me a happy birthday.

Because that's what I want.

What does a girl get after having sex with Batman?

Defective rabies.

Me: I know how to use a microwave!

Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!

Why did the fire not burn the kid? Because it had no lips.

Why did Mr. Peanut die?

His cane snapped!

What do butts say?

"Help me, I'm getting wiped clean!"

What do you call the worst joke teller of all time?

Ben or Chris?

How does he go for a poo? He logs out.

I was at my drumming lesson and I accidentally dropped my drum stick when my sister made a terrible joke.

KA-DOOM-CHA!

Girls are whores.

Uranus spins on its side.