Short jokes
Why don't cows make good policemen?
Because they refuse to go on steak-outs!
A man walks into a bar carrying a big chunk of asphalt and says to the bartender, “Make mine a double Scotch and one more for the road.”
Why are blinds called blinds?
Because when they aren’t closed, they are blinding!
Why can't homeless people buy a house?
'Cause they live on the streets.
What are the similarities of an orphan and a water fountain?
They both sprout water.
Yo mama so fat the last time I saw 90210 was when she stepped on the scale.
Lucky for me I'm only 210.
Why did the baby cow cross the road?
To find its mom who has the milk.
Someone: Didn’t we already meet somewhere?
Me: Yeah. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.
Nutty.
Are you a rope? Let's hang out by a tree and drink :)
You say this to your friend, "Damn, your nuts are bigger than mine!" *thinks the wrong way*.
Friend: I must order more nuts.
Why did the Irishman use three condoms? To be sure, to be sure, to be sure!
Why are you dumb? Because you can’t find LOLA.
Person 1: Yassin has sex with a piece of sex.
Person 2: Nice, can I have some of your balls?
What does every arsehole and Tory have in common?
They all produce horrible shit.
How can you find out how old a cabbage is?
By looking at its cabbAGE.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Please.
Please who?
Police, can you stop talking so we can get to the end of the joke.
Lol.
Do you know how I lost my music teacher job?
I tried to hit G by putting D.
Ah, you wanna read a cheeseburger joke for your friends to hear.
Nah, bro, you're just going to get cheese on your burger.
Remember kids, ejaculate, then evacuate.