Short jokes

Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?

Shut up and pass me the note.

Mommy, mommy! Are we outlaws? Your stepmom thinks so.

Mommy, mommy! Do we own a sweatshop?

Shut up and keep sewing!

Mommy, mommy! Are we liars?

"Shut up and cross your fingers when you say that."

I can't walk, I can't talk, but I can drive a wheelchair.

For sale: Wheelchair, one careful owner, no longer needed.

There were ten in the bed and the little one said... "Roll over..."

Why is he called Stephen Hawking?

Because he is always trying to hawk up phlegm to clear his throat.

Wipe your feet before entering, but in Stephen Hawking's case, it is "Wipe your wheels."

What is Stephen Hawking's favorite football anthem?

You'll Never Walk Alone.

What does it say on Stephen Hawking's headstone?

R. I. P. Roll in Peace.

Can you really wheel my real wheelchair?

Try saying that over and over fast. Bit of a tongue twister.

What was Stephen Hawking's favorite movie? Cabbage Patch Kids.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They don’t know where home is.

What 16 stoner rode a Derby winner?

Lester Piggott's.

That's caketasic!

When I look at you, I wish I could meet you again for the first time... and walk past.

Your mom is so fat, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

My mom said that being straight is good, but if you're straight, how do you walk? So I decided to be gay.

What's after R-P-G?

W.