Short jokes
The neighbor’s children challenged me to a water fight.
I’m just checking my Facebook quickly before the kettle boils.
My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.
Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Goliath.
Goliath who?
I need to Goliath down and sleep!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Broccoli.
Broccoli who?
Broccoli hasn’t got a surname!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Cabbage.
Cabbage who?
Cabbage doesn’t have a last name.
The doctor said I would make it, but then Spider-Man came in holding a PS5.
I have returned. Anyways, what do you call it when you're actually in Panera Bread, being in Panera Bread?
Is it me, or was 9/11 too plane? I thought it would be more exciting.
Why did Stephen Hawking die so soon?
Because his misses bought the wrong batteries.
"Watch out, plane! Wait, really? I ordered pepperoni."
My plants in my garden are like the Twin Towers; neither of them fell, just the flowers.
Spell fuzz.
Okay, F-U-Z-Z, which also, it sounds like "F U Z's."
Joke Tide.
What did the shell say to the shell?
"Shell you later."
Once, asked if I played Scrabble, being dyslexic, I asked if it was the standard version or the deluxe dyslexic version.
Once at school, a teacher thought I was Russian. Why do you think that? I said. The teacher replied, because you're reading from Right to Left.
When does a dyslexic person know when they've spelt their address wrong?
When it fails to turn up.
My middle name is Brian. I was so proud of being able to spell my full name till someone pointed out "Johnny Brain Walker" was incorrect.
A man walks into a bar and orders a cardigan and soke.
Why did the rooster go to the train station to get the pizza?