Short jokes
What do you call someone who has sex with foals, calves, and lambs? A Quadrupedophile.
Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?
Shut up and pass me the note.
Mommy, mommy! Do we own a sweatshop?
Shut up and keep sewing!
"Mommy, Mommy! Are we going to live forever?"
"Only in your dreams."
I can't walk, I can't talk, but I can drive a wheelchair.
For sale: Wheelchair, one careful owner, no longer needed.
There were ten in the bed and the little one said... "Roll over..."
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite line in Rambo?
"Don't push me."
Wipe your feet before entering, but in Stephen Hawking's case, it is "Wipe your wheels."
What does it say on Stephen Hawking's headstone?
R. I. P. Roll in Peace.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite movie? Cabbage Patch Kids.
I went 80 mph in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screamed, "Am I hallucinating?"
That's caketasic!
Yo mama so fat, when she got ran over, the van did a 360 flip to Mars!
1: Hey.
2: What?
1: We're outta paint.
2: *HMM*
(And that's how stop signs have extra paint.)
Why did the ducks go to jail?
They sold quack.
Let's rock and roll!
"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"
What’s Stephen Hawking’s favorite food?
His left shoulder.
lolo.