Short jokes

Short Jokes

Speed Bump

I went 80 mph in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screamed, "Am I hallucinating?"

Mama

Yo mama so fat, when she got ran over, the van did a 360 flip to Mars!

Paint

1: Hey.

2: What?

1: We're outta paint.

2: *HMM*

(And that's how stop signs have extra paint.)

Homicide

"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"

Trash

I went to take out the trash, could not find you, so I went back in. The next day I found you.

Orphanage

Peter: Curses!

Jacob: Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

Peter: *Crying*

Jacob: Why are you crying?

Jacob: Whatever. *Leaves orphanage*

Squirrel

How come Mr. Squirrel watches porn sometimes?

Sometimes he feels like a nut, sometimes he don't.

Kid

I got a GTR yesterday, now my kids say, "GTR we there yet?"