Short jokes
Who do the United States owe trillions of dollars to?
Jew-piter.
How does a blind person know they've wiped their ass enough?
What does Michael Jackson and McDonald's have in common?
They both use 30-year-old meat in between two-year-old buns.
"You have your entire life to be an idiot. Why not take today off?"
There's a saying that goes, "Only gay men know how to dress." Of course they know how to dress! They were in the closet!
What type of gun isn’t allowed in Africa?
A water gun.
Why do hackers in Africa have hard times dealing with firewalls?
They don't have water.
How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
What do you call an autistic My Little Pony?
Twilight Special.
What do you call an alligator that reads maps? Navigator.
Why do women always have sex with the lights off?
Because they never like to see a man having a good time.
As I grow older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe tour guide wasn't the right career choice for me...
Who am I rooting for during the Super Bowl? Easy. Taylor Swift.
I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn't talking to me.
What did the terrorist do when his kidneys failed?
Dial-ISIS!
What is black, smells bad, and long? Line to social services.
Today is Good Friday, so there will be no meat for us to eat. Instead, we have to do what lesbians do and eat fish.
Time to go to New York to visit the Twin Towers.
They’re already getting closer.
Why is every number scared of 7?
Because 7 "ate" 9.
Yo mama so poor, she used a KFC bucket as a rain hat.