Short jokes
Why is every number scared of 7?
Because 7 "ate" 9.
I went to the store the other day and scanned an emo's arm.
It gave me a discount!
You're so skinny, your mom actually enjoyed your birth!
Straight men change their girlfriends like they change their undies. So, about once a month.
What do you call a female Michael Jackson? She she.
Guy: Michael Jackson wasnât in ancient times!
Me: hee hee egypt.
Whatâs the difference between a bank vault and you aunt's anus?
The owner of bank vaults donât force you to penetrate it.
Knock knock, who's there? God.
God who? NO, you idiot, there is no God. I am your father and you have locked me out of my own house!
How did the man with a small penis become a rapist? His condom fell off.
Why was the Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it wanted to look up a 10 year old girlâs skirt.
I feel sad because I went to an old man in a wheelchair while he was sitting next to a fire, and I screamed, "Hot Wheels!" đ€Ł
Sand under docks is very resilient. It doesnât give in to pier pressure.
What is a tree's favorite thing to drink?
Root beer.
Me holding a new cat: Say hi to my little friend!
My friends: Hi to my little friend!
What is Jesus' favorite sport? CrossFit.
Your mouth looks like it came from the commercials.
What do you call a guy who has sex on the Moon?
An âAstronutâ!
When Ariana Grande walked into the church, she said, "GOD IS A WOMAN!"
What do you do when you run out of lines on your book?
You look at the emo girl and say, "Hey, can I borrow your arm?"
On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight?