Short jokes
My depressed mom looks good hanging from a tree.
You smell like tap water and cornflakes.
Teacher: What does a chicken give you?
Student: An egg!
Teacher: What does a fat cow give you?
Student: Homework!
They finally made a movie about a clock, about time.
Have you heard about the corduroy pillow cases? They've been making headlines.
Communism jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets it.
School is a lot like boot camp. The only difference is that you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.
What do shemales and barns have in common?
Cocks.
What's the city with the fastest growing population?
Ireland, cuz it's Dublin everyday!
What did Sally say when she was stuck in the water with kelp?
"I need kelp! KELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP"
A student got a bad letter grade, so the next day he came back with his own letter grade in his backpack: an A-K47.
ENTER PASSWORD.
WRONG.
WRONG.
WRONG.
WRONG.
WRONG.
WRONG.
RESET PASSWORD.
NEW PASSWORD CAN'T BE OLD PASSWORD.
Sets fire to computer.
What did Spock encounter in the Enterprise toilet?
The Captain's Log.
Our teacher said for two kids to stare at a wall for no reason, so I said, "Hey wall, that ass flat like a pancake from McDonald's."
Why did the koala climb the tree?
To get to the other branch. :)
He made it, don't worry!
A new burger has been invented in memory of Stephen Hawking.
I doubt it will sell though, as it's 95% cabbage.
What do you call it when a lizard can’t get a boner?
Ereptile Dysfunction!
I accidentally bumped into a midget yesterday.
Me: "Are you ok sir?"
Midget: "Well, I'm not happy."
Me: "Well, which one are ya?"
You can easily outrun a midget because they have to run twice as much as you do.
What has fingernails and legs made of grass? You, I lied about the grass.