Short jokes
The sun isn’t the only thing that rose up this morning...
What's similar between a fetus and a failed mission?
You abort it.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on his period?
Mario Kart.
Germany: As long as America stays out of the war, we should win.
Japan: *bombing Pearl Harbor* Cowabunga It Is!!
How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?
I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.
What do fire and people have in common?
They will both eventually die out.
My friend asked me to round up here 37 sheep.
I said “40.”
What’s bad about swinging a dead baby above your head?
Stopping it with the shovel!
Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?
Because he is always talking about his honey.
What do you call a skeleton with no bones? A boneless boy.
What was the knight's name that sat at the round table?
Circumference.
What was the Nazi racing tournament in 1943?
Gasar.
What do you call a bunch of Aboriginals rolling down a hill?
Abo-lanche.
Why didn't anyone care about the circus?
Because it was irr-elephant.
What’s the worst thing about being a pedophile?
Fitting it in.
What do feminists and tampons have in common?
They're both stuck-up cunts.
An orphan girl's boyfriend broke up with her, what was his reason?
"If her parents didn't want her, why should I?"
Me: Hey, say I am ugly for a billion pounds.
Them: You're ugly.
Me: Sorry, I am not a mirror.
Today I ate out my girlfriend... Jeffrey Dahmer style.
Bro, your toenails are bigger than your IQ.