Short jokes
What do you call a bunch of Aboriginals rolling down a hill?
Abo-lanche.
Why didn't anyone care about the circus?
Because it was irr-elephant.
What’s the worst thing about being a pedophile?
Fitting it in.
What do feminists and tampons have in common?
They're both stuck-up cunts.
An orphan girl's boyfriend broke up with her, what was his reason?
"If her parents didn't want her, why should I?"
Me: Hey, say I am ugly for a billion pounds.
Them: You're ugly.
Me: Sorry, I am not a mirror.
Today I ate out my girlfriend... Jeffrey Dahmer style.
Bro, your toenails are bigger than your IQ.
What does the cannibal eat who comes late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Yesterday we lost a quarter of our roof in the storm, oof.
What does a serial killer make for breakfast?
Scrambled legs and toes.
Yesterday, I tickled my granddaughter's feet.
She is being born in 2 months.
I will never forget my Grandpa's last words: "What are you doing with that rope and saw?"
The other day my wife said, "Take me someplace I have never been before!" I said, "Why don't you try the kitchen?"
What looks like peanut butter and jelly, and makes a woman scream?
Afterbirth.
A good bath is like a dead lover.
You can enjoy them, that is until they get too cold.
When it comes to recycling toilet paper, you really need to process the crap out of it.
What did Hitler tell the eye doctor?
“I can na-zi.”
What do gay horses eat?
Hay.
What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.