Short jokes
Germany: As long as America stays out of the war, we should win.
Japan: *bombing Pearl Harbor* Cowabunga It Is!!
How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?
I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.
What do fire and people have in common?
They will both eventually die out.
My friend asked me to round up here 37 sheep.
I said “40.”
What’s bad about swinging a dead baby above your head?
Stopping it with the shovel!
Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?
Because he is always talking about his honey.
What do you call a skeleton with no bones? A boneless boy.
What was the knight's name that sat at the round table?
Circumference.
What was the Nazi racing tournament in 1943?
Gasar.
What do you call a bunch of Aboriginals rolling down a hill?
Abo-lanche.
Why didn't anyone care about the circus?
Because it was irr-elephant.
What’s the worst thing about being a pedophile?
Fitting it in.
What do feminists and tampons have in common?
They're both stuck-up cunts.
An orphan girl's boyfriend broke up with her, what was his reason?
"If her parents didn't want her, why should I?"
Me: Hey, say I am ugly for a billion pounds.
Them: You're ugly.
Me: Sorry, I am not a mirror.
Today I ate out my girlfriend... Jeffrey Dahmer style.
Bro, your toenails are bigger than your IQ.
What does the cannibal eat who comes late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Yesterday we lost a quarter of our roof in the storm, oof.
What does a serial killer make for breakfast?
Scrambled legs and toes.