Short jokes
What do you call it when you have two Indians, one Black, and a fat White?
A s'more.
"Apple bottom cringe boots with the kek (with the kek) got the whole club looking at Shrek."
Q: What is the favorite song of the people who window dived out of the Twin Towers?
A: "Free Fallin'"
You have a head of a Malteser and a hairline VEGTA.
Hi! Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been so busy!!!! I miss y'all, though!
Imagine working at the World Trade Center, only for Osama bin Laden to call and ask if he could crash at your place.
I'm all panic and no disco.
My two moods are “I can’t believe I get to be a person” and “I can’t believe I have to be a person.”
How many innocent succulents have been brutally killed by people trying to cure their depression?
For me, the best part of depression is remaining charming around strangers but saving the misery for the ones who love you.
Me: I have depression.
Someone: You should get out more! Go outside!
Me: *goes to the beach* Now it's a tropical depression.
Me: "WYD?"
Her: "Just dealing with a lot: depression, anxiety, and the feeling that I'll never be enough."
Me: "Without me? Lol"
After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,
Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"
[concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.
I'm great!! I'm good. I'm doing good hahaha. I mean "well" haha! Haha I'm doing well, not good! Haha I'm not doing good! I'm not doing so good.
Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you just finish me off already?
Me: And this is the room I cry in.
Date: You've said that about every room.
Me: Correct!
I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t feel like screaming.
I asked my dog this morning how her week's been going--she said "ruff." I feel her, you know? I feel her.
The difference between George Floyd and Kobe Bryant is Kobe got air.