Short jokes
Son: Dad, what's dark humor?
Dad: Do you see the guy over there with no arms?
Son: No, I'm blind.
Why did the Twin Towers go shopping?
To get some plane bread.
What does Buzz Lightyear and an orphan's parents have in common?
They go to infinity and beyond.
Where do orphans shop?
Home Bargains.
How to respond if someone starts looking at the photos on your phone.
Step 1: Jab your thumbs into their eye sockets.
Being alive is so expensive, I am not even having a good time doing it.
Mum: If your friend jumped off a cliff, would you?
Me: Oh yeah, no doubt my friend wouldn't even have to jump first.
You can't spell "Funeral" without "fun."
Hairline got repossessed.
His hairline doing the moonwalk. Oh, I forgot, he doesn’t even have a hairline.
Yo mom's so old, she was happily accepted into the museum.
What do Special Ed kids and fast kids have in common? They like to do things sped up.
You know why eggs can't tell jokes?
They crack each other up!
I once told Siri, "Hey Siri, why am I still single?" She opened the front camera.
Ur mama so fat that when she went to the ocean, all the whales started singing, "We are family," even knowing your fatter than me.
Mike Oxlong: What's deez, Mike?
Mike Oxsmall: I dunno. What is deez?
Mike Oxlong: DEEZ NUTS! HA, GOT 'EM!
What do you call Autistic kids baking?
"Downies" with brownies.
Some people put zodiacs on everything.
They said they couldn’t go to the party because of cancer.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Draggin’.
Draggin’ who?
Draggin’ these balls around yo’ face.
What was Michael Jackson's favorite word to say to parents and tabloids? "Leave me alone."