Short jokes
This one kid never stands up for the pledge of allegiance, and I'm tired of it.
Today, I push him out of his wheelchair.
Clap em sis!
You're a train; you ran fast on these rails, but you gain nothing, you only gain pain.
Are you Jeffrey Dahmer? Because I'd love you to eat me.
Stop making 9/11 jokes. They don't land so well.
Where did the pirate pay his taxes?
Aye, Argh, Sea.
what do you get when you cross parents, the san fran bridge and a moody asian teen?
Niagra falls
I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.
Why can't depressed people make depression jokes? Because they can't talk if they are dead.
What’s the hardest thing about being a rapist? Fitting in.
What does Johnny Depp do when his kids are not home?
Cocaine.
Me: The light wow brighter than my future.
What is a pirate's favorite ride? A carrr!
What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn't opened her present yet.
What's the difference between Ironman and Ironwoman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Titanic, doing the polar plunge before it was cool.
If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five, and suddenly everyone is yelling. Geez!
Michael Jackson broke his window. What does he say? "I can't see."
I don't know an orphan joke, but I bib cried last night.
Because I am an orphan.