Short jokes
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
"I miss you.
Being happy was never that hard without you..."
Someone's dad: You think he/she wants to join me? I didn't get the milk...
Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?
"I finished my job."
What about me?
Is laughing a problem?
Laughing at what?
I want to jump.
Jump—what?
Jump off the hook.
U mess with goose, he strain out all of your body juice.
U mess with goose, he hang u with noose.
Damn, that beat dropped harder than my grandma falling down the stairs.
Roses are red, violets are blue, if you take Kirby’s food, he will stab you.
Mom asks, "Who are you talking to?"
The child said, "A mistake."
You were sad because your grandmother died.
The next day, you were washing your face, and you realize sadness made your face BLUE.
What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
Are you twinning today? Because The Rock would be shocked!
You look like something I drew with my left hand.
You were supposed to be born in the tree.
The sticks were your siblings.
Beautiful people should read this quote: "God gave you beauty but not brains."
Why could dinosaurs not talk? Because they were dead.
Yes, I have gained weight. I have also gained more brains. Do you want some? You talk like you definitely need some more.
Do you know what the hardest part of school is?
Do you know what organ remains warm even after a woman dies?
My penis (or rather my neutron laser priming its firing sequence).
What do you get when you mix a white guy and a fire?
A firecracker.
What's the difference between a toaster and a ten-year-old Chinese girl? A Japanese soldier would regret sticking his d*ck into a toaster.