Short jokes
Don't turn the toaster sideways, worst mistake of my life.
Your hairline is so far back Sherlock couldn't solve that mystery.
Why can't emos have ADD?
'Cause they are already scatter-brained.
My mom said my sister was an angel, but when I threw her out the window, she didn't fly.
What does Kobe now have in common with his helicopter?
They both have torn rotators.
I lit my girlfriend on fire. I guess you could say I ignited her fire.
Why do most guns in America have an average mag/clip size of only 30?
Because that's the average class size in America.
Why doesn't Elon Musk like Taco Bell?
It gives him gas.
I threw a lamp at the depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.
What's still together after all the sh*t they've been through? Your butt cheeks.
What has 30 legs but can't swim?
A bus full of children!
A teenager went into a creepy house with his 3 friends. Only 2 came out. Where are the others?
(Getting brutally murdered.)
What's the difference between a human and a potato? There is none, you can eat both.
I see 2 fighting with 3. "What's going on?" I ask. 5 responds: "The numbers are moving on up."
How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste.
French jab is ban French's backwards.
Q: Why can't pilots play Jenga?
A: Because they will just hit the Twin Towers.
Your hairline's so far back that Usain Bolt had to run 50 miles away from you!
Why did the pumpkin man not go to the party? He had his hand stuck in a treasure chest.
Don’t blame Bush; he is white. It couldn’t have been him.