Short jokes
An orphan told me people kept bullying him, so I said, "Tell your parents."
What do Donald Trump and a dick have in common?
Liberals can't keep either one out of their mouths.
What is the Twilight series about?
A girl's choice between necrophilia and bestiality.
Why should you shoot a homeless crackhead in the head?
Because they're basically zombies.
I want to be a bag so we can be together.
Burn witches and stone whores.
What do you call a talentless Korean person? Us Lee Less!
What song is the most annoying for a Serb?
Sweet Home Alabama (because it sounds like Sweet Home Albania)!
How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?
About one third less than for a regular bulb.
How many police officers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They wait for it to turn itself in.
Tiger Woods is a lion cheetah. He took a wife and seventeen mistresses because he just had to play all eighteen holes.
What do Michael Vick and John Wick have in common?
Got into deep shit when it came to dogs.
What do George Floyd and an astronaut have in common?
They both have very little air to breathe.
What do hockey players and cops have in common?
They both use sticks to hit something black.
How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
Four—one to hold the bulb and three to try to remember the combination.
What do you get from a co-worker with epilepsy for being accused of harassment? A "seize" and desist letter.
I had an operation on my knee, but it was a joint effort.
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.
He told me to stop going to those places.
A termite walks into the bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
Someone lunged at me, armed with an unregistered nurse. I hit the floor.