Short jokes
When baseball players want to get together, what will they do?
Touch base.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, In every step you take, My support stays true.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, When life gets tough, I'll stand by you.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, In your eyes' reflection, My dreams come true.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Like petals in the wind, My heart dances for you.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your laughter's melody, Makes my world anew.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, In your presence, my love, Every moment feels new.
Whenever I order coffee, I always get the depresso with extra depresso sauce.
How do you make someone in Africa disappointed?
Sing "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head."
Why can't British people play chess?
Because they lost their queen.
What did the tower say to the other one?
I will see you later; I am about to get hit.
So I walked into my bathroom to clean some stuff, and no one ever told me you can't put phones in the bathtub!
Men play video games to let their inner child out, while women do abortions.
Joke time!
Now, Heaven or Hell?
Heaven: we got clouds.
Hell: we got a frickin' private yacht!
What do hockey players and Surrey girls have in common?
They both only change their pads after every third period!
A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."
How do you kill a retard?
Give them a knife and say, "Who's special?"
What does an autistic kid and a loaf of bread have in common?
They both have special needs.
Me: September is here!
[Labor Day comes]
Also me (ft. Green Day): “Wake me up when September ends!”
My friend: How are you running so fast? You just had 10 hamburgers!
Me: It’s the 10 hamburgers that are making me run fast!