Short jokes
What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.
I am your leader.
Guess what? I have a baby in ten trashcans.
"Dad, did you get a haircut?"
"No, I got them all cut!"
Where do fruits go on vacation?
"Pear-is!"
"What did the zero say to the eight?"
"That belt looks good on you!"
What do you call a factory that makes okay products?
"A satisfactory."
"How does dry skin affect you at work?""You don’t have any elbow grease to put into it."
What did Kermit the Frog say at Jim Henson's funeral? Nothing.
Where did Josh go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.
I told myself I needed to stop drinking so much. But I'm not about to start listening to some drunk weirdo who talks to themself.
I finally asked my deadbeat dad what makes him happy. His answer? He hasn't gotten back to me.
What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?
The pizza guy shows up when you call him.
Your dad is so smart, he took one look at you and left.
Why do so many kids love boomerangs? Because they always come back.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
Why do some kids only experience 364 days per year?
Because they don't have a Father's Day.
What do you call headphones that walk out on their children? Deadbeats.
What is the best thing about being back?
Free bullets.
Justice for all!