Short jokes
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?
Give her a shovel.
How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?
They'll tell you.
Why did they call off the leper hockey game?
There was a face-off in the corner.
There are 10 types of people in this world.
Those that know binary and those that don't.
What's green and smells like bacon?
Kermit's finger.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
What do Jamaicans say when they touch a cactus?
Pokemon!
What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashed?
Nothing.
How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just Juan.
Where do animal does Russian milk come from?
"Moscows".
What do lesbian vampires say after sex?
"See you next month."
A termite walks into a bar and says, "Hey, is the bartender here?"
What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
What's big, green, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree, it can kill you?
A pool table.
What do cannibals eat to freshen their breath?
Men toes.
What's the difference between a silver medal and a priest?
They both came in a little behind.
What do gay horses eat?
Hay.
What kind of bees eat brains?
Zombees.