Short jokes
Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive.
Five more days.
Water, tastes that one tap in school:
A tier water at 3 am.
S tier.
12 pm water f tier.
Why do Chinese people hate Christmas? Because they make the toys.
Well, I saw a stripper, and she was trying out bread.
On September 11th, 2001, the New York Giants lost against the Jets.
My sister's pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad!
I had to stop drinking because I got tired of waking up in my car, driving 90.
My dad came out of my step-sister's room as I came out of my step-mum's room.
Your hairline is like a lollipop because every time someone licks it, it gets shorter.
"Pray to God her inside her head. I'm scared of God."
Wanna hear something twisted?
A pretzel.
Why was the slave so happy? Because he got his master's degree.
I saw someone who was about to jump off a bridge. They were wearing a Nike "JUST DO IT" shirt.
Are you Roblox? 'Cuz I wanna play ya all day.
I read a sign. What it meant to say is, "You matter, don't give up." What I read was, "You don't matter, give up."
What do you call an LGBTQ person getting grilled? LGBBQ.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They ain’t got no home to run to.
Why can’t England people play chess? They ain’t got no queen.
What did the doctor say to the terminally ill Power Ranger?
It's Morphine Time.
What do you call a priest who became a singer?
Michael Jackson.