Short jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road? Who gives a shit? I wanna know how it got the car started!
What does Stephen Hawking have in common with a bull? They both charge.
Why did Vladimir Putin get bad grades? -- Because he was Russian.
I have good faith in the glue police. They usually stick to their word.
I saw a bicycler flip over a gutter. It was pretty grate.
What do dairy products praise? Cheeseus.
What is a pirate's favorite letter? You might think it’s the "R," but it’s actually the "C".
What did John Cena say to the blind man? "YOU CAN'T SEE ME!"
I have a son. Her name is Zara.
I also have a dad. Her name is Lydia.
What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?
At least one does something when it is triggered.
What's the difference between a shooter and a bullied autistic kid? It depends on who's shooting.
If I'm the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a guardian of the galaxy?
A man tried to attack me with milk and cheese—how dairy!
What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
'Cause they are dead.
I lost my job at a research facility. The people were too chill for me.
Why do pills work?
Because they are white.
Two persons were in a car. The brakes were broken and they were going so fast that they would crash and die.
The driver said: "Oh no! We will die!" but the person sitting next to him replied: "Don't panic, the stop sign at the end of the road will stop us."
Why was Jesus not good at Basketball?
Because he died in the Cross 😈
I tried writing with a dull pencil the other day, but there was no point.