Short jokes
Why are priests called father? Because it's too suspicious to call them daddy.
We have been cursed by curse-ive.
One day a skeleton never worked. Everyone called him lazybones.
What do you call a magic owl?
HOOdini
What is monkey's favorite position? Donkey Kong.
modern feminism.
America.
A gay guy asked me for directions, so I told him to go straight.
When that one night stand says she has AIDS but you laugh, "I choose D!"
She says...wait what?? I have all of the above! XD
Cheesiest jokes.
What did Hitler tell the eye doctor?
“I can na-zi.”
What is the difference between a washing machine and a hooker?
I can put a load in the washing machine without it following me.
Why did the chicken cross to the U.S. from Mexico?
To get to the U.S., but he had to show his papers first.
What's the difference between pussy and pizza... nothing because I'll eat them both.
Hey, can you hold this for a second?
Normal Europe: Oh no, I lost my iPhone!
Amish: Oh no, I lost my potato!
What's a pig's favorite ballet?
Swine Lake.
If Silver Surfer and Iron Man teamed up, they would be great ALLOYS!
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you cannot helium, you have to curium. If you cannot curium, you have to barium!
Face-Timing My Girlfriend:
"Hey girl! Are you a veterinarian? Because these puppies are sick!" *shows muscle*