Short jokes
I was going to tell a joke about emos in the sea, but it’s dead in the water.
The man was absolutely delighted to find that every lamp in his house was stolen.
My grandpa has a world record for holding his breath. He's been holding it for 6 years.
I don't like 9/11 jokes; they have a tendency to crash and burn.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Thanos snapped.
What was the Nazi racing tournament in 1943?
Gasar.
Cao ni man sha bi lalla shabi.
What do you call a hospital that's flooded with vegetable soup?
So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."
Why does the nurse need a red pen?
In case she has to draw blood.
Why?
Roses are red, grass is greener. When I think of you, I play with my wiener.
A German went to France for a holiday, and here is the scene. French border staff asked, "Occupation?" The German replied, "No, no, no, just visiting."
There was an air crash of a Boeing 737-800 which can carry around 300 passengers.
It crashed in a cemetery.
They recovered 500 bodies.
Very sad today. Found my pet mouse "Elvis" dead this morning. He was caught in a trap.
What’s the difference between a feminist and a rock?
A rock can break a glass ceiling.
What did Eminem do when he couldn't get some of his mom's spaghetti?
Well, he didn't make it back to recovery this time...
Why did the feminist kill herself?
Because she was TRIGGERED.
- Hey, are you single?
- No, I'm album.
Why did the egg cross the road?
'Cause he wanted to be scrambled!