Short jokes

I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.

"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"

What's worse than locking your keys in the car in front of an abortion clinic?

Having to go back inside and ask to borrow a hanger.

I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.

I met a drum circle once, they were a huge hit!

Why did Jimmy throw his clock out the window? Because he wanted to see time fly.

Let's tell a secret about each other... I'll go first.

I

hate

you!

Blood is red.

Bruises are blue. I forget the rest... um, I hate you...?

My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.

qestrrrr.

dcfdf

"Hippity hoppity, the school shooter spotted me."

How do people in Alabama get circumcised? You knee your sister's jaw...

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

If you read this, you fucked your dad and your 4-year-old sister, you sick fuck... At least wait till they are 15.

An orphan walks into a supermarket, gets lost and calls for his mum, then remembers.

Q: How many more chemo treatments did the cancer patient need?

A: Tumor.

Want to hear a joke about a guy losing fingers?

Never mind, it’s too pointless.

Why was going through JFK's head when he was getting assassinated? A bullet.

What hangs low?

Balls.

What goes in and out and saves your life but is not sexual?

Diabetes.