Short jokes
What is 14 inches long and starts with D?
A Dookie From GREEN DAY
What do you get when you cross a pig with a dinosaur?
Jurassic Park.
There is a kid in my class who is allergic to peanuts. He says he's gay. He can't be though... he's allergic to nuts!
I’m a clown...
And everyone knows.
What do you do with a dead scientist?
You barium.
How did they know the teacher onboard the spaceship had dandruff?
Cause her Head and Shoulders were everywhere!
Girlfriend: Am I pretty or ugly?
Boyfriend: You're both!
Girlfriend: What do you mean by that?
Boyfriend: You're pretty ugly!!!
A dad asked his son what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday, and he replied, "How about a urinal cake?!"
A man takes his dog out and steps in shit. He exclaims "WHAT THE DEUCE!"
What did Cinderella leave at the ball?
Her virginity.
Ryan.
Why did the vegetable go to jail?
He kaled a man and stole a 9-carat gold bar.
Why are eggs bad at puns?
They always mix up their yolks!
Two cows standing in a paddock, one says, "Moo." The other turns to him and says, "I was just going to say that!"
Kenny's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I gave him a thumb and forefinger job.
No way, Jose!
When my dad once went to the Virgin Islands, now it's just called the Islands.
I had to give up my vegetarian diet.
Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
My grief counselor died just the other day.
He was so good though, I didn't care.