Short jokes
Wood-fired pizza.
How would pizza get a job now?
Mom: I apologize, Sam, for being so mean to you. <3
Sam: Thank you, Mother, for your apology.
Mom: jk
What is Hitler's favorite game?
Nahtzee.
Gan cube prices?
How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?
One's a busy ditch.
What is black and blue and really hates sex?
The six-year-old in my basement.
If only Karen Carpenter had eaten Mama Cass's sandwich...
If I look after chickens, does that make me a chicken tender?
Hey, you know those birds and lizards that feast on decaying flesh?
Oh, sorry, I shouldn't carrion about it.
You
You
You're the cow.
It's best not to say "Hail Satan" because he can't control the weather!
American says: "US mein shaadi E-mail se hoti hai..."
Sardar ji says: "Accha, India me to shaadi.....Fe-mail se hoti hai...!!!"
Two tomatoes are walking on a road. Then a car runs over one of them, and the other says: "Hi, ketchup!"
What do you say to your partner with diabetes?
Hey, sugar!
What do you call a dinosaur that likes subtraction?
A galiminus.
What do you call a person whose Lymphoma keeps recurring?
A Lymphomaniac.
Why did piglet go to the bathroom?
To search for Poo.
How do chemists laugh?
HeHe.
Girl: Daddy, I've been a bad girl.
Priest: For the last time, it's "Father, I have sinned."