Short jokes
My friend has a shovel made of gold. I guess you could call him a gold digger.
Me: MOM, I'm tired.
Mom: Take a nap.
Me: No, I can't sleep if Dad isn't here.
Mom: *hangs picture of dad on her room wall* Well, now you can.
What do you call an ant with so much power?
A ter-mite.
Mom: Hey hun, need some money for lunch at school?
Son: No, I got 1k already.
Mom: Wait, what, how?
Son: Mom's wallet is magic.
What do you call an injured person who doesn't want to play a game with you? A sore loser.
Where are virgins usually born?
Virginia.
Sister: Hey sis, how are you today?
Me: Oh, good, you?
Sister: Good, 'cause I heard you finally got a good living life.
If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner...you might be a Redneck!
How is smoking similar to oral sex?
The closer to the butt you get the stronger the flavor! 🤢
Atoms never touch, so it means, we haven't touched each other or anything. So, sir, I did not drop-kick that child.
Why do orphans like milk so much?
Because they got no milk as a baby.
How do you get a Koala to fall asleep?
Sing a koala-by.
You're so short, I bet your parents left you at home most times when they went to the pool because they're scared you'll drown in the kiddie pool.
You’re so short, you must need a ladder to reach your advice and dreams.
You’re so short you would need a lift to kiss your bride.
You’re so short, you could use a pillow as your bed and still have some wiggle room.
You’re so short, you can swing your legs when you sit on a stool.
You're so short you could be drowned by heavy rains.
You’re so short, you could sweep under your bed while standing.
You’re so short, I bet you don’t have to bend to tie your shoelaces.