Short jokes
What's the difference between an orphan and a watermelon?
One's fun to hang to with a sledge hammer, the other is just a watermelon.
My ex was so full of shit, she probably poured toilet cleaner in her nose to get relief.
What do orphans and apples not have in common? Apples get picked.
I went to McDonald's and I saw a line of fat people because they were selling free hamburgers.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"The FBI."
"The FBI who?"
"Are you dumb? It's the f#cking FBI, now open up!"
Why can't George Floyd breathe? He had a knee on his neck, stupid.
Stop hating on pedos. At least they drive slow in school zones.
Ur momma's so fat that when she became a spy her codename was OObese.
What's the difference between a government and a pawn shop?
They lower you.
When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"
Humanity.
If you are having sex and your feet are out of the tent, it doesn't count.
Did you know that your son has been deeper inside of your wife than you have...unless you put the coat hanger up there?
Dino nuggets are kinda hot. Also, I want to fuck the brown M&M.
Son: Dad, how was I born?
Dad: Your mum's a hoe.
Son: OK, what's a hoe?
Dad: Your mum.
What is an unborn baby's Olympic sport?
Dodge the coat hanger!
I've heard stories of my mother. She was a teenager and left me in the blender, but luckily the power cut out, like at the orphanage.
Hello people, my name is Osama.
I'm back from the dead and I want to blow you.
What’s red, 11 inches, and makes my girlfriend cry when I slap her with it?
Her miscarriage.
Alex, respond to me, please! LOL