Short jokes
If you think long and hard, oral sex is like cannibals.
Do you like CDs?
There's this really cool one called "C Deez Nuts."
Yo momma is so stupid, she eats cardboard boxes thinking they're chocolate bars.
Yo momma is so ugly, she gets rejected by dead people.
Yo momma so fat, she farts out volcanoes.
I told my husband he should embrace his mistakes.
He hugged me!
I meant because.
Why don't pirates take a bath before walking the plank?
'Cause they just wash up onshore.
What kind of tree can you High-Five?
A palm tree.
What is big and bouncy and walks on stilts?
Person 1: Somebody farted.
Person 2: No, all I can smell is your breath.
A priest walks into a bar, immediately orders the kids' menu.
Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road?
To get to the dark side.
My girlfriend didn't bring me the sandwich, so I brought the gas.
My parents used to make me and my siblings apologize to the ground when we stomped.
If I had done "it," I would have gotten SO many apologies.
"Stop bullying me!"
No.
Kenny: "Tyler, you're lucky you're adopted."
Tyler: "Why?"
Kenny: "Because you can fuck your mom without getting arrested for incest."
I saw a kid on the side of the road covered in rags and asked if he was an orphan. He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
This girl told me people call her ugly because she is disabled. I told her to stand up for herself.