Short jokes
I burned an orphan's hand and then they said, "You will pay for this."
Me: "What are you going to do? Tell your parents?"
If a gay person is vegan, how does he have sex? He will keep getting meat stuck in his ass and in his throat.
What do gay people call fighting? It can't be beef, so...
Carrots?
Imagine losing your child in WW2 and your son fucking respawns, so you tell him off for not getting enough kills.
What do you call an idiot who needs to get a life?
The Stigg.
My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.
Did you know that chips taste like the baked potato in things called bags of chips?
Is anyone else on here because it's not blocked on the school laptop?
What's the difference between you and Frankenstein?
He is not ugly like you; plus, he has a wife.
I did just see a blind person trying to f*ck a dog.
Q: Why can emos wear dog collars at school, but people can't wear hats? WTF school!
Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?
In case they get a hole in one!
Your mom is like a penny: two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants.
A customer came to me and asked for condoms for tiny dicks.
What is Forrest Gump’s email password?
1forrest1.
What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?
Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.
Why do Imagine Dragons dream about mythical creatures?
Because they're believers.
Me: I just came home from Africa, and guess what I saw.
Friend: I don't know.
Me: A black market.
Me: What is the difference between your mom and a mosquito?
Friend: Let me guess, they both suck you.
Me: Can I get your mom's number?
Friend: Here you go:
Me: Ohh, strange, I already had it.