Shes jokes

Today a girl asked me how big my dick is, so I asked how big her pussy is, and she said, "Come over to my house and find out!"

Yo mama so stupid, she thought Kobe Bryant survived the plane crash.

Guy, it was so weird yesterday. I saw a guy, and he kept repeating the same thing over and over. I hate people with dementia. I told my mom to get a new mirror, but she won’t listen to me. It’s almost like I said it like 20 times every time I say it.

I went to a 90 minute prostitute once. She was a whore and a half, I tell ya!

My girlfriend said she's having a horrible time with her period. I ask her which one, but realize she's not talking about school...

We don't see each other very much.

Why did the baker give the shopper a butt? Because she asked for buns!

Somebody’s son said, "Mom, my dick has white stuff coming out of it." She said, "Oh, good one, son, so when’s the baby coming?"

Why are there no women in the NFL?

Commissioner Roger Goodell firmly believes in equal opportunity, so the girl tries out. Then, if she makes the team, we gangbang her to death. I mean, could you imagine what a scary birch she'd have to be?

There was this intern that worked at an orphanage, and she burnt it down. Luckily, she doesn't have to tell her parents.

My cat is red and brown and her bones are crunchy, so does that mean she is a Kit Kat?

Why did Sally drown in the pool?

She didn't have any arms, remember!

Why does Sally have no friends? Because she is obese.

Yo momma is so hungry that she ate your peanuts!

There was a woman sitting with me.

I had to leave until she pointed at something—it was my butt.

I was confused until it was her turn for truth or dare.

My mom showed me that she could deep throat a banana. I asked how you know how to do that. My mom said, "I practice on your stepfather."

Why couldn't Sally get back up? Because she has no friends.

If her age is on the timer, I don't care if she's a minor.

So I was playing on my phone, and my mom said to go and take the trash out, so I pick up my sister and threw her in the garbage bin and said, "Mom told me to." And when I came back in, my mom said not to do that ever again, but then I told her that she says not to lie, so I was doing the right thing. 👍

One time, I took my wife to the doctors. My wife had a severe migraine and needed a medic. I waited for about 10 minutes.

The doctor walked out with my wife in a wheelchair. "Due to your wife's broken hip, she may never walk again," said the doctor. "She had a migraine," I said. "Oh, we know," said the doctor.

Seems very long. You won't remember the telephone number...

I remember it like this from school days in Ireland.

Dolly Parton is shopping for a new bra. A lady says, "Your size is 69." Dolly says, "No way, that's too too too (222) big." So she goes to the doctor. "Doc, I need something to make my boobs smaller." "Here, take (51) pills for 6 days (x6)," and so she did. Days later, she ran back to the doc, "Jesus Christ doctor, look what happened. I'm BOOBLESS!" 55378008 upside down.