She jokes

Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?

Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.

Dad: She had to take the deep penis.

Son: Umm...... WHAT!?

Dad: I had to inject her with an EPIC PENIS.

Dad: Oh for god's sakes.

Dad: Epi Pen.

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one.

She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”

I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.

Your mom is so ugly, she made the devil go to church.

Yo mama so fat she needs to sit on 2 chairs.

Yo mama so fat that when she sits down, global warming starts.

Yo mama so old, she was a waitress at the last supper.

Kariana: Dad and mom, what is this bullshit?

Treon: How did you find that?!

Kariana: It was under the cabinet where you told me to put the streamers. I found these under the cabinet, did she have another sister you didn't tell me about? Now tell the truth, or else!

Petina: Now what have we told you about going into things that are not yours!

Kariana: I just told you to say the fricking truth, now who is Faineni? Where is she? Who is she? What is her date of birth? Why do I have her bra under here and why....IS IT UNDER THE FRICKING CABINET!!!!! ANSWER ME!!!!!!!!!

Treon: We can't!

Kariana: BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!

So, three guys are walking down the street together and decide to go rob a bank.

The first one goes for the richest man in the city’s vault but can’t open it easily and is caught and sent to death in jail for robbing the richest man.

The second one goes for his uncle's vault because screw that son of a b***h; he’s rich, why does he need all the money? But his uncle was unfortunately at the vault that day and snapped his nephew's neck.

The third one went for his ex’s vault and thought, “Well, that b***h can suck my d**k; she’s so poor anyway, who would care if I take all her money so she dies of hunger and dehydration and homelessness?” So he managed to get into her vault easily because it wasn’t heavily locked and took all her money. The next day, the third guy's ex showed up to his house and said, “I’m gonna f*****g murder you,” so she shot him dead and got her money from his house.

In hell, the three guys see each other and explain what happened. The third guy did and then asked, “You know, I don’t get it. If the richest guys are heavily guarded but already have so much money in their house, why does it need to be heavily guarded? I don’t understand why the poorer aren’t heavily guarded when they are so poor they need the money.” And the first guy said, “B***h, I don’t know, maybe the bank tellers think poor people should suck it and just die already.”

One day at school, Little Johnny and his friends were asked to do a sheet of paper which said, “Put a matching word from the word bank into the slot in the sentence that makes it make sense.” But when the teacher marked Little Johnny's papers, she asked why he put the word "bank" in every slot. And he says, “Well teacher, you said to put a word from the word bank and that's one word! So I had no choice but to put down that word!”

Why did Brandon harass Sydney because she didn't want to eat his foreskin?

Yo mama so fat that she needs her belly button to beat her home by 15 min.

When your girlfriend has been vomiting for 2 weeks and you find out she’s not pregnant.

Bf-*yes I knew it was a prank*

She has cancer.

Why can Elsa hold a balloon? She will "Let It Go"!

So, one day Kylin Banks was playing football. Then he saw Violet. After he saw her, he got bricked up. Then he ran after her and rubbed his pickle all over her. She was so happy.

I heard my neighbors having sex, and it was annoying me, so I called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to go out, but when I called her, I heard my neighbors' phone ringing.

Yo mama so nasty, she gave yo daddy head, then gave you a kiss good night.

Why did the cow lick your mum?

Because she had a cream pie.

Your momma so slutty, she got banned from Heavy-R.

A shop assistant is helping a little boy find his mum.

"What's she like?" he asked the boy.

"BIG COCKS AND VODKA!" said the boy.