She jokes

Why is it okay for a woman to use me when she feels like it, but when I use her body when I feel like it, I am the bad guy?

Yo momma's so ugly that when she walked into a Haunted Mansion, she walked back out with a job application.

Yo momma's so fat, when she bought a fur coat, all animals went extinct.

Yo mama so stupid, she bought a solar powered flashlight.

My grandma walked up on my doorstep and I grabbed my bible... I thought she was a smurf...

The other day my wife told me to pass her her lipstick, but I accidently passed her a glue stick... she still isn't talking to me.

Yo mama so fat that when she landed on the moon, instead of saying "One small step for man kind," she said, "One small step for world domination!"

Yo mama so dumb, she asked how much a free sample was.

Yo mama's so fat that every time she goes on an elevator, it goes down.

The only thing funnier than the shooting of that healthcare CEO is imagining the look on his wife's face when she got the hospital bill.

Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?

I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...

My sister is so stupid, she thought LBJ was Spanish for blowjob.

I dated an Indian girl for about six months. She was always Sikhing attention.

My girlfriend used to give the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "She was a little tardy."

I asked her, "I thought they all were."

How does a blonde punish her blind son? She takes away his TV privileges.

How does a blonde punish her deaf son? She takes away his telephone privileges.

How does a blonde punish her paraplegic son? She gives him a spanking.

Yo mama so fat that she was the float in the Thanksgiving Day Parade with Kermit the Frog!

Your mamma is so dumb, she went to the dentist to get Bluetooth.

So, me and my girlfriend that I just got 7 weeks ago, we’re in class. We had this sub named Mrs. Bellatrix.

We both raised our hands and she called on both of us.

Me: First of all, are we in kindergarten? We can’t be doing 4x4 kinda stuff.

Leah: And also, are you from Harry Potter?

I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.