She jokes
What did Helen Keller's mother do to her when she was mad at her?
She left the plunger in the toilet, she put doorknobs on all the walls, and she rearranged the furniture.
For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
You're so ugly when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.
A 10 year old girl lays in her bed and excitedly waits for Santa to come. When Santa eventually comes she giggles, shivers, and orgasms.
Finally, as a special thank you, she sucks off Santa’s wet cock.
Yo Mamma's so fat that she falls from both sides of the bed.
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.
Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."
Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?
Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.
This category is messed up.
My Mom died in 9/11, at least she was doing what she loved, flying planes.
One day my friend said: "I want tacos from Katie's, you?" and I said no thanks and she left. I never saw her again. Today I remember that I saw her name on TV as one of the victims of suicide, then I remember her and my motto: "If I'm dying, you're dying with me, you got no choice." I NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.
The only woman to ever tell you that they loved you was your mom. (If she even loved you in the first place.)
What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.
What do you call a female Michael Jackson? She she.
Me and a girl went on a walk...
Then she noticed me, then we went for a run. :)
Joe Mama so fat, when she told a joke nobody laughed, but the floor was cracking up.
Joe mama's so fat, her belly button gets home an hour before she does.
Why is Jenna Marbles so funny? She lost all her marbles.
Yo momma so fat that she was used as a tank in Putin's war.
Yo momma so fat that she could fit the entire map of the world on her body.
Her name was Lola.
She was a loner.
At the Copa.
Then I saw her,
And I got a boner.
The next morning,
She couldn't remember if I banged her.
Her Name was Lola. She was a loner. At the Copa I saw her And I just wanted to bone her!