Fun fact! If you steal your sister's cat, she will be mad.
Why can't a little girl fly? She doesn't have the proper motivation.
Why did Helen Keller ride a broken roller coaster?
She didn't see anything wrong with it.
I asked my sister to get me a cup of fruit punch. I realized she was taking a bit so I walk to the kitchen and noticed that she spilled it on herself. I asked her, "How did you do that?" but there was no response.
My daughter came home from school later than usual. I was panicking, then at 5:30 p.m. she arrived, not walking but in a bus đ. I asked, "Where the hell did this bus come from?" She said, "The garage in the alleyway, Mama. I bought it for five gummies and eight buttons. You like her? She is called Belle Bus." My face was just: đ How did you get the bus here? She replies with a whisper, "I drove her through five gardens, a house, and two police cars!" đ So that explains why you have handcuffs on. "Yeah!"
I have a daughter; sheâs a fan. Her name is Penny. Fan she was born on the mountain Pen y Fan. I adopted her because her mum fell off the cliff after birthing Penny. It doesnât matter, really; Pennyâs mum wasnât a big fan of her anyway.
Your mamma's so stinky that perfume leaks where she puts it on.
There was a woman named Sally. She loved to have sex with other people. One time, she had sex with me. I noticed her bra size was 69 (+69). That is fucking big!
Ok, then when her partner was pissing, he told her she should call the doctor. So she dialed 2063512000 (+2000) and called the doctor. The office was on 51st street ave NE (+51). Holy shit, the doctor said! The boots were so big that she had to take 8 pills (x 8). The next morning, she was ________.
69 + 51 + 2000 x 8 = 16120
58008 (flip calculator)
Boobless.
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She gagged.
A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows. "What a cute bunch of cows!" she remarked.
"Not a bunch, a herd," her friend replied.
"Heard of what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Of course I've heard of cows."
"No, a cow herd."
"What do I care what a cow heard? I have no secrets to keep from a cow!"
As a doctor myself, that nurse was very slow, she tested my patience!
A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, âWhats that?â the little boy says, âThatâs my little red race car.â 10 minutes later the boy looks down and asks, âWhats that?â the little girl says, "thatâs my little red race car garage.â So later that night the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage, She said yes and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage but it wonât fit. Down stairs the mother hears an ear piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor, the mother asks "What happened?â the little girl says, âWe tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldnât fit so i cut the back wheels off.â
Kate ate food coloring last night. She said she was dying inside.
Why did Sally get a black eye? Because she decided to play football.
What did Sally get for her 18th birthday? A brick.
Why did she get a brick? She hit 18.
One night, a girl said to her family, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa." The next morning, her grandpa died. That night, she said, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodbye Grandma." The next morning, the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night, the girl said, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy." The next morning, the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine, but when he went into the kitchen, he saw his wife crying. When he asked her what's wrong, she said, "The mailman died."
Rape isn't funny unless she's laughing, too.
A man goes into heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa's clock, it has never moved because she has never lied." "There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice." "Where is Donald Trump's?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."
When she says she wrestles, so you pull out your dick and she punches it.
I asked my new girlfriend how many men sheâd had before me.
She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.
Unfortunately, this was when I noticed sheâs holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said thatâs my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesnât talk to him anymore because he had sex with the bossâs daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said thatâs the last time I use ancestry.com!
