In the hospital, I saw a girl with cancer trying to sleep. The ICU was going beep beep beep. I think that's why she can't sleep, so I turned it off. She's asleep forever now. Nighty night.
I told a girl she was cute, and she said, "Aw, tysm."
How does she know I have that?
yo mamas so fat when she went to the beach in a blue dress everyone screamed tsunami
As an older brother, I always gave my little sister advice. I always said to do your best and never quit. So one day I went to her room. I see my sister giving married men blow jobs.
I ask what are you doing? The married men said she is giving us blow jobs because our wives don't do it. My sister said you told me to do your best, and my best is to suck them dry. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder.
After having a win at bingo, Ethel splashed out on some venison for tea.
During the meal, her daughter asked her mum what it was, to which she replied with a little smile... "It's what I call your father."
Little Jimmy threw down his knife and fork and jumped up sayin', "Oh My God! Don't eat it!!! It's a fucking Dick!"
Yo mama is so ugly that if she went on stage, the show would instantly say, "And that's a wrap!"
When your girlfriend has been vomiting for 2 weeks and you find out she’s not pregnant.
Bf-*yes I knew it was a prank*
She has cancer.
A blonde starts a new job at a local car dealership when a wealthy gentleman comes in looking for a spacious car for his large family. The blonde is excited as she gets commission, so eagerly shows him the most expensive SUVs.
The gentleman has a good look around before saying to the blonde, "It looks perfect.... But cargo space?" To which she instantly replied, "Oh, I'm sorry, sir, car only for road."
I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.
She whispered, "They're right behind you!"
yo mama so fat she has her on gravitational pull
Yo mama so fat, she was the asteroid that killed the dinos.
Yo mama so fat when she goes to the shoe store, she needs to take their advice and get XXXXL.
Yo mama so fat she needs 17 iPhone to take a selfie
When you accidentally turn in your suicide note instead of your essay to the teacher, but she still gives you an A.
Yo mama so fat that she would die before reaching the gates of heaven.
Yo mama so poor that when she went to KFC, she had to lick other people's fingers.
Yo mama so fat, she the reason Dino's became extinct.
Yo mama so disgusting that when she took a shower, the water turned into ditchwater.
Yo mama so disgusting, she hangs toilet paper to dry after she wiped with them.
Yo mama so fat that when she pooped, poop exploded everywhere!
